Even if you aren’t a seasoned Tweeter, by now you probably know who @TheFauxMilaniaG is. Tweeting everything you would imagine the notoriously rambunctious Giudice spawn is thinking, this “Twitter-lebrity” has amassed over 36K followers. You can see her snark on Twitter, RHONJ Social, and now in this exclusive interview:
@TheBravoBitch: Good afternoon FMG, if I may call you that. Do you think your mom knows what the word “Faux” means?
@TheFauxMilaniaG: You can call me that. Or “God”. I accept either. Considering neither of my parents are able to read or write, it’s doubtful that Tre knows what “Faux” means. It’s a fact I’ve just come to live with. Kind of like the fact that my mom wears monokinis and press-on nails.
TBB:Since the episode you destroyed the sock display during a shopping spree you have been quite the standout of the Giudice girls. What prompted you to take your antics to Twitter?
FMG: I found out my bore of a sister Gia started tweeting, and I just couldn’t let the world suffer like that. I mean, people could die from that kind of boredom. Like sorry no one cares about your dance routines. So I felt I needed to help save the world by tweeting. I’m kind of a saint in that way. Like, if people wanted to start calling me “Saint Milania” , I wouldn’t be against it.
TBB: Congrats on your Social Episode tweet last night. Which of those hats did you find the most humiliating?
FMG:Any and all fascinators are humiliating. They should be banned from civil society, really. But to be honest, none of those hats were as bad as the “headwear” my mom puts Audriana in. I mean, Audriana is already overweight. Do you want people to make fun of her style now too? It’s so insulting. Oh and that clown Kate Middleton def needs to stop with the hats too. I texted her the last time she did it, and she promised she’d stop so we’ll see.
TBB: Many people feel that Jacqueline further upset your older sister, Gia, when she read her a children’s book about sportsmanship. How would you have reacted if she had read it to you?
FMG: First of all, I don’t compete in amateur sports. There are few things more embarrassing than sweating in public. See Juicy Joe everyday for reference. However, if by some chance Jacqueline ever read me anything, I’d probably use my signature move of a roundhouse kick to the uterus followed by me handcuffing her to a chair and reading her the entire Declaration of Independence while using a lisp. Let’s see who wants to read now, Jac.
TBB: What was your reaction to watching “Tre” get cornered by Jacqueline and Caroline last night?
FMG: Honestly, I was bored. Fighting with my mom isn’t even fun. I’ve been there done that so many times. I’ve tried physically attacking her, pranking her, cutting her break lines, you name it. Nothing works. She just doesn’t know how to reciprocate. I’ve even tried things as basic as getting her to use poly-syllabic words and not using the same comeback twice during arguments, but she’s clearly just incapable. I was actually cringing less about my mom’s vocabulary and more so about that hideous dress. Like hi, Forever21 wants its clearance rack back.
TBB:What do you think is the most embarrassing thing “Tre” and “Juicy” have done on TV?
FMG: Besides conceiving Audriana, which I’m sure was done on set because why wouldn’t it be, I’d have to say the drunk gymnastics. Firstly, why is my dad doing a somersault ever. And secondly, WHY IS MY DAD DOING A SOMERSAULT EVER.
TBB: Real Housewives of Orange County’s Alexis Bellino has a daughter named Milania. Can you see yourselves hanging out sometime?
FMG: I prefer not to associate with other reality show stars, mainly because I’m better. But if it was for charity or something, sure I guess. I try to reserve my precious free time for the royal family of Monaco and my manicurist.
TBB: Many folks suspect that you are really a Manzo in disguise. What would you like to say about that?
FMG: I mean, if I was Greg or Chris, HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED:
TBB: Thank you for talking with me today. Is there anything else you would like us to know?
FMG: I guess I should say that I know people might be intimidated by my celebrity and think I’m unapproachable or above them or are nervous to ask for my autograph because I’m so stylish and good-looking. And I just want to tell everyone out there that they’re right.
*Disclaimer: @TheFauxMilaniaG is a Milania Parody and for entertainment only. No children were traumatized during this interview