The Bachelor-Season 17 Ep 1

Photo ABC.com

Welcome to season 17 of The Bachelor!  Hunky Bachelor Sean Lowe is getting a second chance at love, and we will be along for what is sure to be a wild ride! After having his heart-broken by Emily Maynard on last year’s Bachelorette, Sean believes that God has another plan for him, and that plan includes a mansion, limos full of single women and ultimately meeting his soul mate.As we are reacquainted with Sean (and his fabulous abs) we are reminded that he is “one of the most sincere Bachelors to date.”   Like all Bachelors before him, Sean is looking for love, marriage, and family.  Before Sean starts his journey, he gets a visit and some advice from friend and fellow Emily reject Arie (Luyendyk Jr.).  Arie gives Sean step-by-step instructions on how to kiss a girl, thus confirming that Arie was last season’s make-out king.

Now it’s time to meet the ladies:

 

AshLee F. is a 32-year-old professional organizer who cries during her hometown interview when recalling her foster home upbringing.   The first one out of the limo, AshLee F. tells Sean that you don’t always save the best for last.

Jackie arrives next and tells Sean she wants to put her mark on him.  I thought she was going to lift her leg and pee, but thankfully she just planted a red lipstick kiss on his cheek.  Fortunately for Sean, Selma was next out of the limo because she pulled a tissue out of her ample cleavage and wiped off the lipstick.  Leslie H. is a poker dealer who probably won’t be around for longer than a week or two.  Daniella invented a secret “high five, low five” handshake and Kelly the orange/tan cruise ship entertainer sang him a song.   Always the gentleman, Sean told her that her song was amazing.  It wasn’t.  Katie the yoga instructor showed up barefoot and helped Sean with some cleansing breaths.

Ashley P. is the first train wreck of the season.  She is a 28-year-old hairstylist from Michigan who doesn’t understand why she is still single.  Until she meets Mr. Right, however, it’s just her and her cat.  As if the cat comment wasn’t bad enough, Ashley P. lets us in on a little secret, she is OBSESSED with Christian Grey and 50 Shades of Grey.  She is hoping that Sean, a man she has never met before, will rip her clothes off and spank her.  I’m glad for Ashley P’s sake that 50 Shades is a trilogy because I see a lot of lonely nights ahead for her.  When Ashley P. arrives at the mansion, she pulls a silver tie out of her dress and seductively tells Sean that she read 50 Shades of Grey.  It is obvious that Sean has not read any of the 50 Shades books because he looks confused and horrified at the same time.

Taryn, 30, admits she doesn’t know who Sean is because she doesn’t watch the show.  Catherine, Amanda, Ashley H, Kerrianne and Brooke’s introductions to Sean were relatively unmemorable.  Desiree, 26, is a bridal consultant who is waiting to meet the person who completes her.  Diana, a 30-year-old divorced mother of two, wore an unflattering dress.  Sarah is an account executive from Los Angeles.  She was born with one arm, but doesn’t want Sean to see her as someone with a disability.

Things continue to move along uneventfully until Robyn attempts to do a back handspring in a gown and lands on her head.  Lacey gives Sean a lace heart to remember her by.  Paige is a Bachelor Pad 3 reject, which can’t possibly work in her favor.

Tierra is a 24-year-old from Denver who can’t live without love.  When Tierra finds out that Sean is the Bachelor, she lets out a squeal like a tween at a Bieber concert and runs to tell her dog.   Tierra shows Sean her uncompleted heart tattoo and tells him that she hopes that he is the guy to complete it.   Sean assumes she means complete her heart, not the tattoo, and gives Tierra the first rose of the season, right out of the limo.

Lesley M. is a 25-year-old political consultant who lives in Washington DC.  She is witty and tricks Sean into thinking they are going to play football, but instead stares at his butt for a few minutes.  Lauren tells Sean that her Italian father will break his legs if he breaks her heart.  Playing the role of Courtney(Robertson) this season is Kristy, a 25-year-old Ford Model from Wisconsin.  She likes to say she is the “best from the Midwest” and knows that the other girls will be jealous of her.

As if Ashley P.’s 50 Shades of Grey introduction wasn’t bad enough, Lindsay arrives in a wedding dress, plants a big kiss right on Sean’s lips and tells him she wore the dress because she has balls.  EEEK!

Just when we thought it was time to head into the mansion and get the party started, another limo arrives and out comes Kacie B. from Ben’s (Flajnik) season.  This sends the 25 ladies into a tizzy and officially kicks off catty backstabbing chatter amongst the women.  Desiree whines into the camera that it’s not fair because Kacie already had her shot at love with Ben.   As opposed to Sean having had his shot at love with Emily.

At the cocktail party Sean plays by his own rules and hands out roses throughout the night. The women realize that there are roses to be had, and they make Herculean efforts to get some one on one time with Sean, all the while eyeballing the coveted rose on the silver platter in front of them.  The women politely ask each other “Do you mind if I steal him away from you for a few minutes” which is code for “Get up bitch it’s my turn.”

The lucky recipients of the first 12 roses are Tierra, Desiree, AshLee F., Selma, Robyn, Jackie, Catherine, Katie, Leslie H., Sarah, Diana and Brooke.

The highlight of the night was Ashley P. getting 50 Shades of “Wasted”, booty dancing her way to some one and one time with Sean, and telling him that her mother already considers him her son-in-law.  Sean politely excuses himself and misses her falling down the stairs.

At the rose ceremony, Sean is confident that this process will help him find his wife.  He gives roses to Amanda, Leslie M. Kacie, Kristy, and Danielle.  The final rose of the night goes to Lindsay, who somehow manages to salvage the night despite getting drunk and sloppy in her wedding dress.

Let’s raise our glasses to next week’s episode and the possibility of Sean finding love.

**Denise Weiss is a part-time attorney and full-time mom who likes to blog in her “spare time”. Her love for pop culture inspires her to attend midnight movies, stalk celebrities in Central Park, and write about The Bachelor. Denise can most often be found in front of her television or updating her Facebook status.

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