RHONJ Season 5 ep 5 “Everything is Coming Up Rosie”

Send in the clowns...We need Milania to break up the monotony!

Send in the clowns…We need Milania to break up the monotony!

Melissa is having a June Cleaver moment with Antonia when Joe pulls into the driveway dropping more F-Bombs than Tamra Barney does in an entire season of RHOC. After he and Melissa trick Antonia into leaving the room, he tells about the Teresa run in at the gym. He also gives Mel a talking to about her behavior on Twitter. Meanwhile Antonia is outside the door listening the entire time.

If Teresa was thrown by her encounter with Joe, we don’t see it. Instead we see her in an enormous blue fur collar watching Milania and Gabriella at indoor soccer practice. I think at this point we’d much rather see Milania running around like she’s eaten an entire bag of Pixie Stix than hear any more about the Giudice/Gorga feud. In fact if anyone from the editing team is listening can we just insert comic relief clips of Milania each time this show gets too heavy?

Speaking of comic relief the Manzo family is talking about marriage, careers, and blow jobs. Yes, I double checked with my Twitter followers to make sure I heard correctly. Albert also finds his accommodations in Hoboken “a cramp in the dick.” I guess the family that talks schlong together stays together. And since none of the Manzo kids seem interested or prepared in starting their own families right now they will be staying together for quite a long time. Just ask Lauren who, though she’s been with Vito for about four years, still wants to “soil” her wild oats. Yes, “soil”…and she pokes fun at all the Teresaisms.

Speaking of Teresaisms, people “shouldn’t throw stones…or whatever” is how she says the saying goes. Instead of casting those stones, she’s making phone calls to Caroline of all people. Apparently she no longer minds Caro’s meddling and has decided to encourage it. While Tre is reaching out to Caro, Joe is reaching out to Rosie, who then reaches out to Tre. Here’s a saying folks, “too many cooks spoil the broth.”

Maybe Rosie should be mediating for her sister who is having some issues in her 21 year old marriage. Apparently being business partners and partners in life is a little too much for Rich and Kathy. They can’t seem to agree on anything when it comes to Kathy’s fledgling cannoli business. Rich’s business savvy has him calling all the shots,when all Kathy wants is a say in all the decisions. Personally, I’ve seen these two in action…and whatever it is they will work it all out.

Rosie and Teresa (in another ginormous fur collar) meet in a bar in a confrontation that changes tones the way Sybil changed personalities. One minute they are screaming, cursing, and squealing (well Teresa is squealing) and the next they are giggling and planning a bonding retreat. Like Rosie said, maybe it was the alcohol.

Under the radar again was Jacqueline, who, aside for losing her “boner” when Caroline got Teresa’s call (ay that family with the penis talk again) has again grabbed at our hearts with her work with Nicholas. Everyone else on the show take note: Jac and Chris are facing their greatest challenge and instead of letting it tear them apart it is bringing them together. Can’t the rest of you just get along?

P.S. Teresa you are a beautiful girl, but please stop dressing like King Jaffe Joffer from Coming to America. I hope the retreat will be too warm for fur collars.

Advertisements

Reality Roundup

Kroy Biermann and Kim Zolciak (Source: Gregg DeGuire/WireImage.com)

Only two days after confirming her fifth pregnancy, the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak was spotted lighting up a cigarette in an Atlanta parking lot! [Photo] The reality television star attempted to hide the cigarette behind a cup, but the mother to be was snapped puffing away.

Us Weekly first reported that Kim and husband Kroy Biermann were expecting another child three weeks ago. The couple confirmed these reports on their Real Housewives spin-off show, Don’t be Tardy when Kim read aloud the results of her multiple at-home pregnancy tests. “Kim loves being pregnant,” an insider told Us. “She really wants a little girl.”

This will be baby number three for Kroy and Kim– their son KJ is now 2 and Kash is only 9 months old. Kim also has two older daughters, Brielle and Ariana, from previous relationships.

It is no secret that The Real Housewives have their fair share of financial woes. Ana Quincoces is the latest Housewife to fall on hard times, financially. The Real Housewives of Miami star may be facing foreclosure on her home in Coral Gables, Florida.

According to Zillow, Ana’s home has been on and off the market since September 2011. Most recently, Ana’s home was recorded as in default for $1.5 million. The website even claims that she was served with papers and that the foreclosure process was initiated! However, Ana took to Twitter to set the record straight. Saying, “I modified my loan to reduce my interest rate. It’s called a strategic default. But that wouldn’t be news.”

Bravo’s newest Atlanta housewife and former Miss USA, Kenya Moore was accused of not paying $848 of her $3,999 monthly rental payment on her home for both May and June. After neither Kenya nor her lawyer showed up to her eviction hearing, a judge ruled against Moore and in favor of her landlord. “First of all, we never got notice of a court date, so that’s going to be overturned and we will have another court date,” Kenya told Wendy Williams via phone on The Wendy Williams show last week.

Kenya’s landlord has since filed a new motion on June 21, seeking to expedite the proceedings– claiming that Kenya has a history of “delinquencies and defaults.” Radar Online obtained a copy of the petition, in which the landlord states that Kenya defaulted on the terms of her lease on at least 15 different occasions.

“Plaintiff has received numerous calls from bill collectors throughout the term of the Lease as a result of Defendant’s delinquencies and defaults,” the document reads. The landlord also stated that the former beauty queen has “prolonged the eviction process in order to avoid public humiliation as an irresponsible tenant.” “I am grateful that the judicial system has brought finality to this eviction process and I look forward to regaining possession of my home,” Kenya’s landlord told Radar.

Get ready, Miami housewives fans! The Real Housewives of Miami are back for their third season this August! Based on the season three trailer, viewers can expect a lot more attitude and drama!

Marysol Patton is back for season three; however, the public relations maven won’t be returning as a full-time housewife! Marysol confirmed that she will be on the show as a “friend of the housewives” in an exclusive interview with RadarOnline.

“I’m not in the main title shot with the photos with the girls, but I film just as much as I did when I was a regular housewife,” Marysol told Radar. “So, I guess it will come down to the editing.”

Real Housewives of Atlanta star Cynthia Bailey is putting the pregnancy rumors to rest. Cynthia took to Twitter to address the tummy bulge she has been photographed with over the past few weeks. “Thanks for all the congrats!,” Cynthia shared. “However, I am not pregnant.” Cynthia later tweeted, “I am dealing with a medical condition that makes me look pregnant. Stay Tuned…..”

Cynthia and her husband Peter Thomas may not be expecting a baby anytime soon, but their book Carry-on Baggage – Our Nonstop Flight is expected to hit shelves next month.

After suffering from low viewership, both The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Princesses: Long Island saw a ratings increase. 2.41 million people tuned in to RHONJ this week and Princesses saw a great increase in viewership with 925,000 viewers after hitting just 780,000 last week.

Nene and Gregg walking down the aisle! (Source: Drexina A. Nelson)

Congratulations to The Real Housewives of Atlanta star NeNe Leakes who re-married her ex-husband Gregg Leakes this past weekend. The couple said their “I Dos” for the second time in front of 400+ guests and Bravo cameras in Atlanta, Georgia. Kim Zolciak, Fantasia Barrino, and Vivica A. Fox were all in attendance to celebrate the couple’s nuptials.

The duo spared no expense as they tied the knot at the InterContinental Hotel. The lavish event boasted a whopping $1.8 million price tag, according to Life & Style. After getting divorced in 2011, NeNe says that this time she and Gregg will last. “Both of us want this, so it will definitely work this time,” NeNe told the mag. “I know exactly what I’m getting myself into.”

The Old Hollywood themed wedding will air on NeNe’s wedding spin-off, I Dream of NeNe: The Wedding, on Bravo this fall.

It looks like it’s really over for Real Housewives of Orange County’s Vicki Gunvalson and her on again/off again boyfriend Brooks Ayers. In her June 26th Bravo blog Vicki stated that her checkbook, heart, and mind are all “guarded”. Two tweets surfaced from Ayers on the same day  in which the controversial beau to the original housewife sounded very wounded, and bitter. “@vgunvalson My heart is very heavy because of you. The world doesn’t revolve around you alone, especially when you’re in a relationship”  Brooks tweeted, followed by “@vgunvalson I  should’ve known that you’d betray us for you. I did the opposite.”

Auditions for The Real Housewives of Oklahoma City were held at an OKC country club on June 27th. According to KFOR-TV News Channel 4, Bravo may be interested in adding OKC to the Real Housewives franchise. One by one, elite women from well known families sat in the hot seat and debated why they should be the next Real Housewife, but were they duped by a phony producer? Annette Latham claimed she was casting for a new franchise, but Bravo’s main man Andy Cohen has vehemently denied any involvment in the allegedly bogus auditions:

image

 Latham claims she proposed the OKC Housewives idea to Bravo executives in L.A. and New York earlier this year, and she says the network is very interested.

.Tell us– Do you think the RH of OKC auditions were fake or is Bravo TV trying to get their kittens back into the bag? By leaving a comment below you will automatically be entered into winning an autographed copy of a Real Housewife’s book! 

Bachelorette Season 9: Episode 5

J.Crew catalog? No, it's the Bachelorette in the German Alps! Photo credit: abc.com

J.Crew catalog? No, it’s the Bachelorette in the German Alps! Photo credit: abc.com

By Denise Weiss

Worst Date Ever!

Welcome to week 5. The remaining “however many” guys pack their bags, don their best hoodies and head to Munich, Germany. I know it’s week 5, but I still can’t tell the guys apart and don’t really know their names. The men arrive and are greeted by Chris Harrison who tells them that there are 3 dates this week- a one on one, a group date, and the dreaded two on one. The guys head to the hotel, find the date card and Chris butchers the German language as he reads the card aloud. He is excited despite having no idea what the card says. At least it was better than Kasey’s attempt to speak German #IWillHappilyInGermanyKissYou. In case you didn’t know, this is Des’s first time in Europe.

Chris’s One on One

Des and Chris hit the streets of Munich armed with a map and a camera crew. They eat sausage, ask street vendors stupid questions and try on lederhosen which makes Chris look like Pinocchio with a 5 o’clock shadow. They take to the streets again, stumble across some street musicians and dance to polka music. They are having an amazing time, and Chris says “I don’t think anything can go wrong.” Uh oh. Those words are the perfect date kiss of death.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel room, Bryden tells the guys that he has decided to go home, and he must interrupt Des’s date with Chris RIGHT NOW so that he can break up with her. In an attempt to locate Des IMMEDIATELY, Bryden randomly walks up to people on the street and asks them if they have seen a television camera crew. My guess is that it would have been easier for Bryden to turn around to the camera crew who was taping him looking for Des and ask where Des and Chris were, but stopping strangers on the street made for more dramatic television. Bryden finally stumbles upon Chris and Des dancing in the town square. After watching them dance for a while, Bryden finally makes his presence known and asks Chris for permission to interrupt the date. Bryden sits Des down, and tells her that since he has fulfilled his life long dream of flying to Germany with 10 of his special “girlfriends,” he no longer has any use for her and is going home. The camera pans to 2 pigeons whose relationship is more exciting than Des and Bryden’s (or Des and anyone else for that matter). It’s a real shame that Bryden is going home just when Michael figured out the perfect amount of gel for Bryden’s hair. Bye bye Bryden- don’t let the wiener schnitzel hit you on the ass on the way out!

Des questions whether the remaining guys are here for the right reason, but she is determined that Bryden’s leaving will not affect her date with Chris. She does a good job of hiding her disappointment, except for all the crying and mascara running down her face.

After some reassurance and beer chugging, Chris and Des head out for a romantic dinner. Chris is the relationship guy, and says he is ready to start family and build a life. Des trusts Chris, because, you know, they have known each other for so long. #eyeroll

Lucky for us, Chris was bored on the plane and wrote another poem. The poem makes me throw up a little in my mouth, but Des digs it and Chris gets a big kiss and a rose. (To clarify- Chris gets the kiss from Des, not me, which is better since I still have a little bit of throw up in my mouth from listening to Chris’s poem). Des and Chris are then surprised by yet another private freaking concert. EHH-NUFF with the lame private concerts already.

Group Date

The group date card arrives and asks Juan Pablo, James, Drew, Zak, Kasey, Brooks, Mikey to “climb the highest mountain.” This means that Michael and Ben will be on the two on one date. Shocking how that played out huh? Ben feels sorry for Michael because he believes that he has a stronger connection with Des. Michael finds the two on one with Ben repulsive but plans on accepting the challenge to show Des that Ben is a fraud. Michael, who remember is a Federal Prosecutor, is going to use this “gladiator style setting” to murder Ben. I don’t know which is more disturbing- the murder reference or that fact that Michael thinks he is Spartacus.

Back on the group date, Des and the boys hop in a gondola, travel to the highest mountain peak in Germany and marvel at the beauty of the top of the trees and fog. When they finally break through the clouds, the view was majestic until it was interrupted by Old Yeller’s cousin, “Old Yodeler”. After failing miserably at learning to yodel, Des and the boys slide down the mountain on tiny little sleds and basically pile up onto each other. Then they have the mandatory Bachelorette snowball fight.

Things start to heat up when Des and the guys head to an indoor hotel-igloo-fort thing, complete with couches and a plate full of pretzels. Brooks talks with Des about his emotional process during the group date, and tells her how he soaked it all in and lived in the moment. Des grabs him mid sentence and they make out, big time!

Mikey (who has great dimples BTW) wants to make a Mikey and Des snowman family of like 5 or 10. Zak interrupts their snowman family building time with a big yodel and Mikey T calls him a “singing jackass”, which is an appropriate and accurate description if I say so myself. Des responds by yodeling back like the Swiss Miss. Great, now Des thinks she’s Heidi.

Des ditches Mikey and hangs with Zak, who tells her that when he was in college, he thought he was going to be a priest until he went on a soul searching mission at the top of a mountain and realized he was not supposed to be priest. Now he’s on a similar mission 10 years later, on the same mountain! I anticipate the same outcome. The priesthood wasn’t your calling, and neither is Des.

James and Des hang out in a back ice bedroom and make out while Brooks leans in and watches. Drew, who is wearing a scarf that no man should ever wear, calls James a vulgar, two faced player. James is confident that he is going to get the group date rose, but in the end it goes to creeper in the hallway Brooks.

Two on One Date- Michael and Ben

While the guys are freezing their asses off in the German ice brothel, back at the warm hotel Ben, Michael and Chris are staring at each other. The random hotel hallway coffee table followed them from Atlantic City to Germany, knocks on the hotel door and hands them the two on one date card.

Even before the date begins, Michael’s blood is ready to boil and he declares “today is Armageddon.” Michael thinks Des wants his help in exposing Ben’s evil ways. Unless someone has committed a federal crime, no one really needs Michael’s help for anything.

Des tells Ben and Michael to change into bathing suits so they can take the polar bear plunge in the icy lake. The threesome come out wrapped in terrycloth bathrobes. For some unknown reason, Michael ties the bathrobe sash around his head like a headband. Des is a trickster and instead of going in the freezing lake, they go in a hot tug. Des thinks the hot tug is best invention ever. Personally I think the Keurig is the best invention ever, but to each his own.

Michael listens as Ben talks about himself and looks bored and irritated. He calls Ben out on his baby mama drama, and tells Ben how bad it is for a kid to have a father who is never around. I can’t hear Ben’s answer over the sound of the water hitting the side of the tug.

Des is uncomfortable with Michael’s confrontation, and it doesn’t get any better at dinner when Michael calls Ben out on not going to church on Easter, not calling his son and not making friends with the other bros. Des tries to change the conversation and talks about important family traditions- which for her were pulling up the tent stakes every Sunday. Ben does an amazing job of not getting tangled in Michael’s cross-examination, and finally gets up from the table. Michael just keeps right on eating. Des shoots Michael a death glare and starts calling Michael out on his behavior, telling him that she isn’t comfortable that he is so aggressive. Now Michael is upset that his chances for a rose have gone up in flames. Des threatens to send both of them home, which is the smartest thing that she has said to date.

After a lot of ridiculous back and forth between Michael and Ben and Des and blah blah blah, Des decides to give the rose to the man she can see a future with. In a shocking twist, Michael gets the rose and Ben storms out! Once he is safely in the limo, Ben shows his true colors- he wants to get drunk in Munich, pick up some women, babbles something about Hollywood and drops a lot of F-bombs. Goodbye crazy Ben! The other boys have stayed up way past their bedtime to see who is going home, and hoot and holler when Ben’s bag is taken away.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

Before the cocktail party starts, Des and Chris Harrison sit down to have a little chat about the one on one date with Chris, Bryden’s departure and …

ZZZZzzzzzzz…..

OOPPS, sorry, I was so bored that I fell asleep… where was I…Oh yes, Des and her boring trip to Munich.

Michael’s confrontation with Ben must have lit a fire under Kasey and Drew, who are now gunning for James. Apparently James isn’t here for right reasons, rather, he is in it for the publicity and plans on using his newfound fame as a stepping stone for him and Mikey to go out on his boat and meet beautiful, tall, rich women. Kasey and Drew are going to use the cocktail party to tell Des all about James and his wicked plan.

Chris Harrison and Des walk in to the cocktail party room and Des tells the guys that she is positive who she will be sending home, so there is no need for a cocktail party. James bellows “you look beautiful” and Drew and Kasey’s plan to destroy James has been foiled!

Let the rose ceremony begin- Chris, Brooks and Michael have roses and are safe this week. The next four roses go to Zak, Kasey, Juan Pablo, and Drew. The last rose goes to James, sending Mikey and his snowballs back home. I find it strange that Juan Pablo keeps getting roses and hope that next time Chris writes a poem, Juan Pablo will read it to us in his sexy accent.

Drew is at a loss that James received a rose, and calls him an “immature, shallow, materialistic and self serving cancer”. Kasey’s blood boils. Wow- there was a lot of blood boiling this week.

Next week – cat fights and man tears in Barcelona!