After playing therapist and fortune teller, Caroline reports back to Jac that Teresa wants an apology, and to Joe Gorga that the only part of her meddling that got Teresa’s attention was about him. The fortune teller part comes into play when Tre and Joe’s father is indeed rushed to the hospital. Juicy drives Tre to the ER where she, very much in touch with her inner child, states she wants to see her “daddy.”
Not in a rush to see the ailing Gorga is his daughter in law Melissa, who tells Kathy she has been too sick. Only thing is she tells her this over a smoothie at the gym after a workout. Jacqueline, fresh off a panic attack from having to drive 45 minutes to Mel’s gym, arrives sans gym clothes and after the class has completed. Tre’s friend skinny “I don’t eat dessert” Linda happens to be working out and watching. This all gets back to Tre who decides Jac must want to run into her if she is visiting “my gym.” The gossip is thoroughly enjoyed by Kim D. who eats it all up over coffee with Teresa.
Those who aren’t disrespecting one another are too busy disrespecting each other’s property. Kathy has a fit after her dear sister assists Joseph in taking Rich’s Ferrari for a joyride. Rich, pats his son on the back after a light scolding and the three of them gang up on Kathy, or as Rich says “the Gestapo”. Joseph is out of hot water, Rich’s car is safe, and Rosie secures a nomination for bad ass aunt of the year.
Aunt Frannie Laurita is busy overriding the Manzion with her four legged friends. The latest addition is a gigantic strawberry eating pig named Mu Shoo. Caroline states she may have to head on back to Hoboken and Chris (Manzo) just states he’s hungry. Meanwhile Frannie’s other charges are busy peeing all over the house like it’s a giant marble Potty Patch.
The Franimals aren’t the only ones who can’t control their functions. Joe Gorga has a wicked flu and shares that even soup comes “right out of my ass”. There were so many references to his diarrhea that I was sick to my stomach by the end of the episode. Who’s placing the bets on how many lonely nights Tarzan had until Melissa could get the visuals out of her brain?
In between visiting her father and gossiping about Jacqueline, Teresa manages to have time to plan another birthday blowout for Gia, because we know how every single RHONJ season would not be complete without one. The Giudettes all get coiffed while Teresa tries to figure out what a “biffel” is and what a synonym for “bullshit” could be.
At the party Tre goes into detective mode. Discovering that a “biffel” (BFFL) stands for “best friends for life.” Having solved that mystery, by hounding Gia’s friend, she now has a deeper crime to investigate. Melissa arrives at the party with Antonia (Joe says he’s “not ready” to go to “those things”, I think it’s really because of his explosive diarrhea.) Melissa, who was blasting her own song on the way to the party by the way, is interrogated by her sister in law and Kim D. T and K want to know if Mel ever did visit the ailing elder Gorga in the hospital. An answer of yes, however isn’t good enough. Apparently there’s a statute of limitations on just how soon you visit your father in law in the hospital. Melissa can’t get her dates right, Tre can’t accept any excuse, and just like that it’s over. Mel has to take poor Antonia, who really really wants a piece of cake, out of the party.
Fave of the week goes to Milania who stole the show with her antics. Says Gia, “This kid is an embarrassment.” Oh no older sis, the little one is ratings gold.