Kathy is in her test kitchen. It’s large, organized, away from Rich…and she’s still complaining. Jacqueline,Caroline, and Rosie show up to see the new space and hear about Rosie’s meeting with Teresa. Caroline, realizing someone else has taken her place, declares she’s done meddling, perhaps because Rosie got further than she did…and got injured from banging the table.
As it’s been this season, while everyone is revolving their conversations around Teresa, she is doing her own thing. This time it’s forcing her family to wear matching Fabulicious aprons and make enough sausage to feed the US Army. None of that is interesting, what is is that Gia refuses to wear the apron and when Teresa blames it on puberty Milania asks if that means her sister is going to “have a baby.” Somebody please get this kid her own show. The sausage party culminates with a crescendo when Teresa yells at Juicy for not wanting to fall into her arms. More proof that he needs to go on a retreat.
Joe Gorga and Rich are out swinging their golf clubs. We get a couple of winning lines here. My personal favorite, “Usually when I’m mad at my sister I go have sex with my wife.” This is wrong on so many levels I don’t even know where to start. The other is “What’s a retreat?” which he asks Rich after he gets a call (invite) from his sister who seems hell bent on inviting the cast to upstate NY to stop shaving and sing Cumbauya.
Let me correct that, Teresa is hell bent on inviting everybody but Jacqueline who finds this out while she is out shopping with Kathy who puts a Tre call on speaker. Jac grabs the phone out of Kathy’s hands. Tre and Jac go into a juvenile exchange over the phone that has the attention of all the shoppers. The argument is complete with accusations, insults, and a variation of the Smurf theme. I was completely embarrassed for them both while watching.
Good thing Melissa wasn’t there. She was out with her frenemies boasting about her book deal. Honestly, I’ve never seen two woman look more disinterested in a friend’s good news. Fast forward and one of these “friends” Jan, a former bridesmaid of Melissa’s, is having lunch with Teresa, Kim D, Jen Dalton, and Penny Drossos. Jan, who previously was lunching with Mel and bashing Tre, is now bashing Mel. According to Jan, Mel has been cheating on Joe on and off for years with a former boyfriend.
Trust nobody in the Garden State because Jen then invited Mel out and spills the beans about BFF Jan. All these meals, as nasty as they are, are much more interesting than watching Caroline and Al have dinner. Longest 5 minutes of the hour. Back to Jen who goes full circle then tells Teresa that she blew Jan’s cover.
Speaking of blowing Jan’s cover, instead of confronting Jan, Melissa confronts Kim D at a party. Kim defends herself fairly well. She holds her own, unless it’s the fact that Jac is in the background going on and on about how imbalanced she believes Tre is. Like Kathy implies it’s Jac who is starting to look a bit unravelled. Hopefully this retreat will be a new start, or I fear many of the fans will be retreating…from watching RHONJ.