It’s the 13th episode, how fitting that the cast is embarking on a trip, because these Housewife vacays are usually horror shows. As they pack, Mel lets Joey know that she would have preferred they vacation alone. Joey makes some lame excuse about doing things with everyone, but us viewers know that had it been a one on one romantic get away, the Gorgas would have had to pay. Be quiet Melissa and enjoy your producer paid trip.
As usual Caro is trying to see the positive and Al isn’t buying it. This is like the Dominican Republic all over again (Season 3). Al is no dummy, he vocalizes the parallels. Cut to Teresa already doing a mini bikini fashion show for her daughters and it really reeks of the past. Especially since each and every suit has a studded crotch.
The Gorgas, Giudices, and Wakile/Pierris are all on the plane drinking heavily. The Manzo/Lauritas are stranded at the airport. It doesn’t matter because no matter where these women are they are whining. In Arizona it’s too hot and there are too many bugs, and at the airport it is boring and Jac has body odor. Eventually everybody is in AZ and in time to watch Teresa, in her swimsuit, do push ups by the pool. Really who does that? Perhaps this was the only way she could model her swimwear since nobody wants to sit through the sparkle crotch fashion show again.
Everyone is getting used to the scene, and the bugs, when they are suddenly ambushed by a bat. Everyone is running and screaming like in the John Candy film The Great Outdoors. Once the bat is gone and dinner is finished it’s time for Tina the Tina Turner wig wearing “energist” to read their energy. I think she was the bat earlier. After trying to look like she’s the real deal (by choosing the most common initials and names she can think of) she says that it’s somebody’s birthday and they need to have a better time. Melissa is skeptical, and I agree, any producer could have mentioned the birthday.
Rich is the first to buy the BS when Tina makes some generalization that “connects” to his father. Whether it’s crap or not we see Richie break for the first time and there is a sensitive man deep inside there after all. Just his tears and love of his father makes me not want to pick on him for the rest of this recap. Next Tina Turner focuses in on Kathy and Rosie’s dad and the tears are flowing more than the drinks normally do on this show. She may have struck a few chords, but this woman has done nothing to warm up Mel, who is pouting and feeling ill on what should be her birthday trip.
After the energist leaves; Rosie, Kathy, and Tre have a deep conversation about what transpired. It seemed that Rosie had a much stronger relationship with their father than Kathy did and the session brought a lot of emotions to the surface. While their hearts are ailing Mel is ailing on the couch. Cut to the next morning and Mel is hacking up a lung, downing several RX meds, and wearing a hospital ID bracelet. Apparently she must have made an ER visit that was edited out, so much for the theory that Bravo likes to show drama.
Everybody goes on a hike but Melissa. They end up sitting in a circle in the middle of the dessert burning their worries away in a kettle. Al refuses to participate, because he’s the only one who has the balls to admit that this is cheesy and will accomplish nothing. Most of the cast has simple one word statements, but Jacqueline has written down enough to fill a roll of toilet paper. At the end of it all, however, Teresa and Jac bond tearily. Didn’t this happen in Napa last year? There’s some comment about Karma and children, however, so these two may not really be patching things up.
Next week: The bigger they are the harder they fall…Joe Giudice and Albert Manzo break down.