Instead of giving you all a huge song and dance, which is not me being authentic, I’m going to open up and be totally honest. I was NOT feeling this episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I think it’s a combination of factors from just having finished my first full week back in the working world, to a long day at my future SIL’s bridal shower, to the fact that BOTH my sons came down with bad colds right after the party…then again it could simply be that I, like a lot of you, am getting tired of the same old thing. I’m also getting tired of Bravo and Siren Media operating under the assumption that their viewers are idiots.
Instead of my usual chronologically structured recap I’m going to go through the cast and talk about what they were up to last night. That’s right, last night, as I was so not with it that I’m writing this a full day later as opposed to thirty minutes after the show.
Jacqueline: The Manzo/Laurita clan is hosting a sports themed event to raise money for an Autism charity. Jac needs to speak at this charity and is nervous so she employs Tre to assist her with writing her speech, which Chris finds so hilarious he loses his normally stoic composure and cracks up during his OTF interview. I suppose he feels that this is a blind leading the blind scenario. So Jac’s storyline last night revolved around a fear of first time public speaking. Really? Well this is all fine and dandy for the show, however this was NOT her first time speaking publicly. Last September, long before this was filmed, I attended Jac’s Sparkle Speaks event. This is an annual charity dinner hosted by Jacqueline and her nieces to raise funding for Autism Speaks. Jac spoke at that event. She spoke about Nicholas’s diagnosis, treatment, and how Autism Speaks has been a tremendous resource for her family, very similar to what she said on the show last night. (FYI Sparkle Speaks will happen again this Thursday, and yes I will be there.)
Teresa: Teresa is now getting to be Jac’s BFFL again and that means making Nicholas comfortable around her. She may want to take the voice shriek down a notch, I mean that even frightens me sometimes. Tre is also working on getting along with Melissa and Joey since the Arizona trip. The big happy family meets for dinner with the elder Mrs. Gorga, however Mr. Gorga Sr. is unable to attend due to kidney stones.
Kathy: Kathy is still busy pushing cannoli creme into shells in an effort to push her cannolis. She’s given a great opportunity to have an event at New York City’s famous candy emporium Dylan’s Candy Bar, which, for those of you who don’t know, is owned by Ralph Lauren’s daughter. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know that little bit of trivia because Richie didn’t know it either, despite all those RL collars he likes to pop. The theme of “poor voiceless Kathy” is perpetuated by none of her “friends” showing up on time. Kathy is pissed…well as pissed as she can sound, this is Kathy Wakile we are talking about. Richie’s lack of fashion family knowledge, by the way, is nothing compared to his sister in law and cousin in law’s lack of reproductive knowledge. When Rosie asks Juicy if he wants a son Juicy replies that he doesn’t think Tre wants to be pregnant again but maybe they can take her eggs and his “eggs” and combine them. I suppose this is the neanderthal definition of IVF. He then asks if he has eggs and asks Rosie what his “are called.” Totally expecting Rosie to laugh and say “sperm” she instead says that she doesn’t know as she’s not good at this stuff. I’d be totally amused, except these people are probably making more money than my braniac ass with a Master Degree is. I now feel like the fool.
Caroline: Was she even in this episode? Oh yeah, for a second…with another migraine.
Melissa: While Kathy is cracking cannoli shells, Melissa is cracking the tunes, or just cracking. Blaming a fuzziness in her earphones for a lackluster rehearsal doesn’t go over well with her producers. She gets the we invested in you, don’t embarrass us lecture. She also gets lectured on her work ethic, as in this recording career needs to come first or else. At the end of the episode Melissa and Joey are out at a restaurant and surprise surprise Penny is sitting at the bar. Another insult to our intelligence, as are we really expected to believe that this is just a coincidence? Note to Siren, I think not. Anyway Mel and Joey confront Penny who states that Tre and her really are friends and that Tre is the one behind all of the cheating rumors. This will all come to a head in the next episode when the long awaited Posche 2 party is aired. I was there…hope I don’t look fat on camera.