Episode six begins with a visit from Lenny’s parents. On a visit to a Russian grocery, Lisa’s mother-in-law, Marina dominates the conversation as usual. The drama continues as Frederic arrives at Lisa’s house along with Romain. Lenny basically kicks his mother out so the three can talk. They very calmly discuss the whole argument in French, yet again,and resolve things. This, ladies and gentlemen is why it’s the Real HouseWIVES and not HouseHusbands. Lenny, Lisa and the in-laws go for dinner at The Forge and Marina berates Lisa for never returning her calls. Lisa tells Marina that she doesn’t call back because she thinks Marina still doesn’t really like her. Marina does not argue. Lenny stands up for Lisa telling Marina that when they visit she is nasty to everyone from the maids to their friends. It’s hugely uncomfortable, but as always Lisa tries her best to make things better
Adriana and Alex, who has grown up a lot since last season, discuss the whole marriage license fiasco. Alex says that no one really talks about it and he does not want to be a part of it. They also discuss R.J.‘s up coming birthday party and Adri reveals that Lea has been texting Alex herself regarding the party. She’s annoyed that she’s not coming to her first, when she should probably be weirded out that a grows ass woman is texting her son’s’ friends. Thank heaven for little boys, as they seem unaffected by all the drama, as boys usually are. Later on Adri arrives at the bridal shop meeting Lisa, Marysol, and Alexia there. Again, they discuss Joanna and Lea. Yawn. Adri whips out a People Magazine article from 1995 that claims Lea, aka Lisa Haller, had a secret wedding as well. Touche’, Adri, touche’. Later Marysol and Adri are in a boutique when Lea calls, extending an invitation to R.J.’s birthday party to Adri, Alex and Frederic.
Joanna calls her sister Marta and asks her to be her maid of honor, but is upset that Marta can’t meet the ladies in LA to look for dresses last minute. Lea arrives at Joanna’s new house wearing gigantic eyelashes. She says the house is a money pit. People that live in glass houses Lea… Lea walks outside to see the view and holds a lounge chair cushion over her head so she doesn’t get sun. Literally they are out there for three seconds, why the cushion? Is Lea aware that she lives in the Sunshine State? The two chat about Marta, as Joanna is crying, saying she’s hurt that Marta can’t spend as much time with her. Lea points out that Marta is in a relationship now and that’s her priority. She offers to go to LA with Joanna.
Lea and RJ go through the stuff for the party and Lea tells us that she’s been so busy with the Gala that RJ ordered everything online and planned his own party. Apparently, he’s planned somewhat of a violence themed party. It’s also a rainy day and Lea does not have a plan B. Again, this is Florida, you always have to have a plan B. It could rain at any given second! Plus, her house is mid redo so it’s a wreck. Lea is ready for the party, wearing a giant potato chip that doubles as a hat on her head. Alex arrives with Frederic as does Alexia with Frankie. The Hochsteins and the in-laws arrive along with a thunderstorm. Everyone retreats inside as Adri gets there, in yet more rain. Lea is visibly irritated that Adri doesn’t greet her. It is her house after all. Romain asks why everything is wrapped in plastic and Lea has to tell him they’re doing construction. Really Romain, the forklift wasn’t a hint? Lea then forces the girls to sing Happy Birthday to RJ. A little awkward…as the episode ends.
Ep 7 “La La Land”
Adri, Frederic and Alex step into the ballroom at the Biltmore; (my best friend Andrea, had her brunch in that room…she got married in the BIGGER room.) Adri tells the hotel event planner that she is having everyone wear one thing at the ceremony and then wants them to change into Great Gatsby attire. Alex, smart boy, asks Adri if she expects everyone to change in their cars. The planner tells Adri she will let them use a suite upstairs for everyone to change. Jesus, that’s a lot of work for her guests.
Alexia arrives at the Venue Magazine cover shoot which is doing a Miami Vice type spread. Of course the 20 something model and art director had no clue who Don Johnson was and had to google it. Aahh, the good old days, when I’d travel and tell people where I was from and they would ask me, horrified, if it was a dangerous place. Anyway, Peter is present at the shoot, taking his own photographs, keeping himself busy. The shoot takes place right on Ocean Drive, art deco buildings behind the models. Alexia says how much Peter reminds her of his father. Peter idolizes his dad because he was gangsta, Alexia says. He helps on the shoot until a cab driver flips them off and then he loses it. He smacks the cab with his hand and the driver tells him he’s going to jail. Peter yells back and Alexia tries to diffuse him by saying “shh” and “yeah”. He keeps going on and on, and as a mother of a teenager, I feel bad for Alexia. A police officer tells the cab driver to stop wasting his time and the shoot finishes. She tells us she lives in constant fear of what Peter willl do next. Then best line of the show, “I’m tired of the bullshit of the crazy people of Miami”. Me too babe, me too. Alexia speaks with her mom, who is a psychiatrist about what happened at the shoot. Peter and Alexia then have therapy with her mother mediating. Call me crazy, no pun intended, but maybe a doctor outside of the family would be a wiser choice? They do get to the bottom of things somewhat though.
Lea, Joanna and Lisa board a plane bound for Los Angeles. I’m surprised Lea’s golf ball size diamond ring didn’t require its own seat. The ladies fly first class, obviously and Joanna and Lisa medicate for the long flight, with mimosas and sleeping pills. I’m right there with you girls. The three arrive at Joanna’s mansion, complete with tennis court and pool in the Hollywood Hills. Lisa’s luggage rolls down the driveway, with her chasing after. So starts Lea’s digs at Lisa, which seem to continue the entire trip. Joanna’s mom Jolant greets them at the door with three dogs. Lea is quick to point out that HER LA home has a panoramic view of the city and Joanna’s does not. Is that necessary? Is Lea PMSing on this trip? Regardless of her barbs, it’s a very beautiful home. Lea leaves and heads over to her house. Lisa, Joanna and Jolanta have wine on the patio and talk, very candidly, about sex. Joanna meanwhile, looks even more gorgeous in California. Not trying to kiss up to Miss Krupa, this is just a fact.
Lisa comes back the next day and the three head to look at the wedding venue. They arrive at the Park Hyatt Aviara and look at the ceremony location. Joanna refers to the aisle as the “runway”. Lisa gets teary and then Lea does too, not to be upstaged by Lisa. They sit down for a tasting and Joanna asks Lisa if she’s Adri’s bridesmaid because if she is, she can’t let her be hers. OMG, is this really an ” if you’re friends with her I won’t be your friend” speech coming from somebody who is older than a kindergartener? My first grader and her friends are more mature. Lisa is clearly amused, which she should be, and Joanna tells her, “For once in your life you’ll have to make a difficult decision.” Lisa is not amused by that. While, Joanna and Jolata go wedding dress shopping, Lisa pops in at Lea’s house, which is a combination of chrome, lucite and zebra. Lea tells us she decorated the whole thing herself. The view is to die for. Lea then has someone I can only refer to as “the Birkin gay” come over and they discuss these ridiculously expensive bags for a hundred years. I love myself a bag, but the price of a Birkin is insane. They all head out to dinner with Joanna’s friends and things get a little dicey. Lisa points out that Lea and Joe Francis are friends and Joanna doesn’t like him. Lea gets all huffy and tells Lisa to keep her friends out of it. The episode ends.
Next week: Joanna heads to Vegas for her bachelorette party and Mama Elsa makes an appearance