By Lesley Rousso
Episode 8: Mama Elsa Comes Home
The episode begins with a brunch date between Joanna and Romain and Adriana and Frederic. I know what you’re thinking, but yes I got the names right. Remember, Frederic and Romain had a sit down so now it appears they’re trying to get the girls to do the same. They dine alfresco at Edge steakhouse in the Four Seasons. Joanna looks gorgeous and Adri is wearing a hat, with a feather, and a shirt buttoned up to her neck. I can guarantee it’s at least 82 degrees. We did not have many cool days in April and May this year. They discuss the issues, yet again and it goes fine. Neither housewife though, holds their breath that it’ll last forever.
Lisa enters her bedroom bringing Lenny juice, a dog and a towel. Lenny is recovering from liposuction. Again, you read it right. Lisa explains that Lenny had a little “extra baggage” in his stomach area that he just couldn’t get rid of so he had it sucked out. Physician heal thyself?
Marysol prepares for Mama Elsa’s return from the hospital. Alexia comes over to Mama Elsa’s and helps Marysol cleanse the home with sage and holy water. Marysol says the sage reminds her of a “big bush of marijuana”. When they’re done, they talk about the fact that Lea, after eight weeks still hasn’t reached out to Mama Elsa. That seems weird, because we are not talking about a person who doesn’t know to do the right thing. Mr. Patton stops by, and the two look at a photo album with pics of Elsa from years past. The two were married for fifty years and now are apparently headed for a messy divorce. Really? They’re in their eighties, what’s left to fight about? Mama Elsa comes home. Marysol gives Elsa a glass of water with a healing crystal in it. Elsa is convinced it’s a piece of fish. It’s hilarious and good to see her back and feeling better.
Peter has dinner with Alexia’s psychiatrist mom and they discuss his problems, his father and his criminal activity, and Frankie. I keep saying that this is all fine and good but I really hope they do seek a therapist. Alexia, once again in neon, takes Peter to the baseball field where they spent a lot of time during his childhood. They talk things over and have a good cry. Alexia really loves these boys and I’m sure it is so hard for her.
Speaking of therapists, Joanna and Romain visit the sex therapist. Romain says that unlike Joanna, he doesn’t want to f*ck, he wants to make love. The therapist gives them some tasks to do, sexual tasks, in character. They meet at the Four Seasons hotel bar, Joanna in a dark wig, Romain in glasses. She pretends to be “Natalia” a Russian ballerina and he is Jacques a man whore pilot. They go upstairs and put on a pretty ridiculous act. For two people that are so sexy looking, they are not sexy AT ALL!
Marysol throws Adri a Bachelorette party with Lauren Foster, Lisa and Alexia. It’s all very odd, especially when Adri burns her original wedding dress. Jesus, she couldn’t just give it away? What a waste! The episode ends.
Episode 9: Birkin Buddies
Lisa comes over for sushi with Joanna and Romain. The three discuss their sex lives, and I’m kind of getting bored with this subject. Lisa tells Joanna that the two should hire her as their therapist. They have wine, my fave, Groth sauvignon blanc…I recognize the bottle. Joanna asks Lisa to be a bridesmaid…finally, which I’m sure Adri will have some sort of problem with. The two finish three bottles of wine and give Romain a little show.
Alexia arrives at Venue, to her staff wishing her a happy birthday. She’s wearing a harness, sorry, not feeling it. Marysol comes by for a visit and lies down on Alexia’s silver office sofa. They discuss Adri’s wedding invitation. It’s an Evite. Really Adri, an Evite? Wait, though, it gets worse. Adri is requesting that everyone wear white and then change into a second outfit for the Great Gatsby style reception. She even goes as far as to attach “a mood board” giving guests suggestions of what they should wear to the “elegant wedding” . They talk about how ridiculous it is and Marysol says she is going to talk to Adri because “friends don’t let friends torture other friends”.
After a very quiet previous episode, Lea Black is back this week. She arrives at Lisa’s with a shopping bag in tow. Can you guess what it is? Yep, it’s a Birkin. I’ve said it once, I love myself an expensive bag, but ten grand? No way! I’d be afraid to use it, though it is quite a beauty. Lea invites Lisa to go to Texas with her to visit her family. That should be interesting.
Lauren takes Marysol and Adri to the Miami Institute for IV cocktails of vitamins. They have wine and chat and Marysol tries to tell Adri that the costume change is ridiculous. Adri says too bad, it’s her wedding and it’s what she wants.
Alexia arrives at Lea’s office and gives her some of her skincare line as a birthday present. Big of her. They talk about Mama Elsa and Alexia tells Lea that Marysol is surprised and hurt that she hasn’t called Elsa. Lea says it’s not true, in her best Amy Phillips impression. She claims she sent her a card a day and reached out immediately and that’s the truth. She proves it somewhat with an email saying she would visit her, but that she would also stay away if Marysol preffered. Alexia says she believes it but doesn’t understand why people would want to lie about it. Lea says it’s because they are obsessed with her.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, I mean sex therapist, Romain confides in the doctor about his troublesome childhood. He grew up with his father and had a terrible stepmom who beat him from the ages of 4-8. He clearly needs more nurturing and less aggressive behavior from Joanna.
Herman throws a joint birthday party for Alexia and himself and most of the girls are present. Adri gives Lisa crap about being a bridesmaid for Joanna. Lea arrives, and Ana looks like she wants to vomit. Marysol decides to confront her and the two argue and Lea tries to diffuse it but Marysol is not having it. They go back and forth and and Lea leaves. Lisa tells Marysol to just forget about it already, and Ana says that Lisa plays both sides. Lisa goes after Lea, who is now crying that she’s trying to be nice and all she does is get attacked. She says she was devastated when she heard Elsa was in the hospital. Marysol comes in, they fight again and Lea leaves for real this time. Lisa then argues with Marysol and Ana who tell her it’s none of her business. Ana, who never misses an opportunity to give Lisa a dig, asks her if she’s “Hooked on Phonics” when Lisa uses the same word Ana does. Lisa tells her she’s disgusting and the episode ends with a shot of dancers at the party.
Tonight: Let the insanity commence, it’s Adri’s!
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