What Haunts Me Most

Family time like we had at this recent Halloween parade is what I most look forward to these days.

Family time like we had at this recent Halloween parade is what I most look forward to these days.

I’m super looking forward to Halloween this year, and it has nothing to do with my maccabre obsessed Goth teenage days.

There’s a lot people can say about me. Some like what I do on here, some don’t, but I think one point everybody can agree on is that I am extremely busy. I have a bad habit of taking on more and more. I manufacture my own stress the way that some people manufacture their own cholesterol, but I do it voluntarily. Sometimes I’m really proud of all the balls I have in the air at once, sometimes I want to toss them all out the nearest window.

The only ball, however, that I would never consider tossing is my mommy one. It is the most precious and prized one of them all. Sadly, I feel it’s the one I drop the most often. Thanks to a physically and emotionally demanding day job, my quest to get on a different career path, and my desire to help others through my foundation Priceless Life Fund Inc. the world gets the best of me, my kids get the rest of me.

My day starts early, like before the sun comes up early. By the time I get my kids in the late afternoon/early evening, I have lived what feels like two days. I actually go to the gym before I get them just to get a second burst of energy. Without that workout I’m like a lifeless sack. I never wanted it this way, but as it stands I, like many women these days, never was able to choose. My generation of women have a lot of choices…but, for many, staying home with their children is sadly not one of them. I wonder if our mothers ever considered that when they burned their bras.

I remember being a kid and my mother, who ironically chose to work when she didn’t have to, was never able to attend school functions if they were during the day. I remember feeling I would have done anything just to have her come on a class trip. I don’t want my children to feel that way, and so when I got a notice about a pre school Halloween parade I panicked. Worse the note said that times were staggered because so many parents attend. Suddenly my mind was flooded with images of my sons straining their necks above the crowds in search of a mommy who wasn’t there.

I wrestled with the thought of asking to come to work late. Would it sound silly? A 20 minute Halloween parade that would make me 2 hours late for my non flexible houred position? But I kept coming back to the voice in my head, the one that haunts me. “There’s only one first time,” it says. “They are only little once,” it warns. Swallowing my pride I asked for that time. I got it, see my bosses are all mothers too, and I feel collectively, as working moms, we are all haunted by the same voice.

I’ve been to galas and tv show filmings. I’ve spoken on the phone with personalities that some people would wait hours in line just to get an autograph from. I’ve walked red carpets in designer dresses. You know what the highlight of my year will be? A 20 minute Halloween parade that I was shaking in my high heeled boots to ask for permission to see.

That evening we will all be going to a local attraction with thousands of lit pumpkins. Family time without interruption. It’s a rare luxury these days. So please, don’t waste your time sending your trick or treater to ring my doorbell this year, my kids are going to be getting the best of me.

What haunts you? Are you struggling with the working mom balance? Your answer below could win you our latest Housewife Hot item of the month!

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4 thoughts on “What Haunts Me Most

  1. Pingback: Get Toasty this October | TBB Reality

  2. Tara – your BLOG is for all the working Mama’s out there…I am happy you share the conflicting battle as sometimes as moms we feel alone in the struggle of working woman and mom. The reality is we unfortunatley do miss a lot with our babies… but on days like Halloween, or any other fun event at school we will make it a point to share the day with our little people that fill our hearts with so much joy.. I too will be heading out early to watch Jack dressed in costume with all his friends.. I will be standing proud right in front so he can see me =) Enjoy A & B and to all the MOMS Happy Safe and Loving Halloween with your babies! ❤ ❤ ❤

  3. Pingback: My Most Important Job | TBB Reality

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