By Lesley Rousso
The episode opens with Joanna planning her upcoming wedding. Her extravagant taste in flowers and dresses has her budget flying out the window.
Lea is in her office at The World of Lea Black, working with all of her products. Again, we see a flashback of an infomercial advertising her skincare line. I think it was shot through a lens behind a cloud. She learns that The Ritz Carlton in Palm Beach is going to be carrying her bags. She tells us that she got into the handbag business by accident. She wanted specific bags and started having them made. People told her how much they loved them and Lea’s said, “that’s a business”. I love this line because I often do the same thing (on a much smaller level!) Lea, as always is full of accessories this week, but what the hell, #UnderstatedIsOverrated, right @BravoTV? Shameless plug.
Lisa and her Birkin arrive at Alexia‘s house, along with Adriana. Over a glass of wine, Lisa tells Adri and Lex about her trip to Texas to meet Lea’s family. Lisa says that Lea has a huge family and Adri is genuinely surprised. “Really?”, she says, looking a little hurt that she didn’t know this. Honestly, I’m surprised too as Adri tells us she never met or knew anything about Lea’s family. So strange that she never told her “bestie” about them, yet chose to reveal them on TV. Adri also seems super annoyed that she invited Lisa to go with her. Once again, Lisa is playing armchair psychologist and tells Adri that she’s trying to get the two of them back together and break down Lea’s walls. Adri admits that she misses the friendship, a lot. She says that she’s really hurt. She adds that if Lea can apologize that she’s ready to “move over” *Adrianaism.
Up next, Lea arrives at Rene Ruiz, a Coral Gables boutique and designer. Rene is carrying Lea’s handbag line and tonight they are having a debut party. His dresses are beautiful and sparkly and so are Lea’s handbags. A perfect match. Joanna and Lisa arrive and, soon after, Alexia. Lex picks up the bag that Lea was carrying at the Gala a while back. It’s almost as big as her. Alexia is tall, you do the math here. Meanwhile Lisa sits Lea down in the middle of her party and starts in about Adri. I don’t really think it’s the time or place but, we ain’t seen nothin’ yet. They argue a bit, with Lisa telling her she needs therapy. Lea explains to us that maybe she does have a wall up. She calls it being professional at her business presentation. The 305’s own NBC6 reporter Trina Robinson is there interviewing Lea and Rene Ruiz while Joanna keeps getting champagne refills. Joanna and alcohol? Yeah, we’ve seen what that can do before. Lisa comes up and tells Joanna that she thinks Lea is mad at her. Joanna calls Lea over, again ladies, this is a business presentation, not a sit down. Lea handles herself with class and Joanna then starts attacking Lisa. She says that Adri lied to her for five f*cking years and why should Lea make peace with her. Jealous a little Joanna? Maybe she doesn’t want them to make up. She starts screaming, people are staring, people are making faces. People are laughing. I’m just watching from home. Hey Lea, I’m a local, I have friends who spend money, we like to shop and drink wine. Just sayin. Joanna kicks Lisa out of her wedding. Joanna tells Lisa to leave, Lisa stays. They continue arguing. People are still staring. Lisa then storms out and Alexia follows. Lisa says that she doesn’t care, kick her out of the wedding. Who needs to fly to California to a wedding on a Thursday, and who the hell has a wedding on a Thursday? Back inside, Lea and Joanna discuss the evening’s shenanigans. Lea tells us that she doesn’t care if they have a dispute at her party, that if you’re “going to have a dispute, promote my bags! Pickup a bag and slap the bitch with it!” Love our Lea, always working an angle. I live tweeted this to her to which she tweeted back:
They go outside to calm Lisa down and Lea hugs her and Joanna attacks her again. Lisa observes that “they are making a HUGE scene”. She’s just now figuring that out? She then zooms off proclaiming to be so mad that she almost ran Joanna down in her Ferrari. Well, I guess if you have to run someone down, this is the car you want to do it in. Alexia, tired of this whole ridiculous situation asks Lea if she can bring Adri to the unveiling of Lea’s new ballroom. Yes, you read that correctly. Lea says of course, because all the girls are invited to the party. Sometimes I feel like the other girls don’t give Lea the credit she deserves, she really is always inclusive. Strangely so sometimes *see RJ‘s birthday episode.
At home Joanna tells Romain what happened at the store and has a breakdown over the whole wedding planning and her sister Marta. Joanna says she expects too much from everyone and it’s overwhelming her. Romain tells her not to worry and let go of the stress.
Lea does a skincare presentation at the Intercontinental Hotel in downtown Miami. Alexia is her victim, I mean test subject. Again, Lea I’m watching it from home. Alexia says she feels like she’s on the set on an infomercial.
The big reveal day at Lea’s has arrived and Lea is putting on her jewels stating she invited Adri and it’s sad that it’s come to this. Telenovelaesque style Adri gets ready for the party and says that she knows she should apologize to Lea for things. She wants to make up with her.
While Lea is wearing a necklace the size of Florida, Fabio and Hernan, her designers, reveal her new ballroom and kitchen. She is thrilled. The kitchen is a huge improvement. Guests start to arrive, RJ wearing his cowboy outfit from Texas. This kid is funny and should tweet. Karent is there, with her Karentness. Adri and Frederic arrive and Romain and Joanna. I was about to ask where the hell Roy was, but I just saw him in the way back. Lisa gets there and does not want another altercation with Joanna. They both feel uncomfortable and they talk it out. Joanna admits that she was wrong to be so mean and tells Lisa that she’s very upset about her sister’s lack of involvement in the wedding. They kiss and make up, she reinvites her into the wedding.
Just when I think that things can’t get wackier, Lea has country music star John Rich perform a song in the ballroom. In his cowboy hat, in Coral Gables (?) he sings a song about Lea. The Miami crew could not appreciate this any less. She should have brought him to Texas last week. Something tells me that crowd would’ve been a little more enthusiastic. The song is apparently titled “Say Lea, say Lea Black”. Lea finishes it off, doing a “hell yeah” shot with John.
Lea tells Adri, in front of Lex and Lisa that she wants to end the vicious cycle. She does it in a rather cold way which Lisa points out. I think Lea has a hard time expressing her feelings. The two walk away to talk on their own and Lea tells her that she won’t be around her if every time it’s going to be uncomfortable. It’s time to move on and agree to disagree. They argue back and forth and Lea actually apologizes and so does Adri who then starts crying and tells Lea that she turned on her. Lea half cries too and they hash it out. This is usually what’s needed in a situation like this. They all make up and Joanna, drunk in the positivity invites Adri to her wedding. They have a group hug and the episode ends.
In the last few weeks RHOM has totally gotten better. I hope they renew it, which says a lot, especially from a Miami girl.
Up next: the girls are off to Vegas for Joanna’s bachelorette party where the hijinks ensue. Prepare for boobs, pole dancing and lots of drunken arguments. Stay tuned…
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