Bachelorette Season 10: Episode 2

By Denise Weiss

Andi and PeeWee Herman...er Farmer Chris...at Santa Anita Park. Credit: abc.go.com

Andi and PeeWee Herman…er Farmer Chris…at Santa Anita Park. Credit: abc.go.com

STOP Y’ALL!

Welcome to week 2 of The Bachelorette. It’s the morning after the first rose ceremony, and Andi feels great about the 19 remaining guys. Although she still can’t believe she is The Bachelorette, she is excited to think “that one of these guys could be my husband.” Andi finishes her makeup, puts on a lime green tank top and heads over to the mansion to weed through the Mr. Wrongs to find Mr. Right.

Speaking of the mansion, the 19 remaining suitors arrive, storm the place like it’s move in day at a fraternity house, and marvel at their surroundings. Many of them, including Nick S., are wearing knit hats. After woo whooing around the mansion, the guys get down to business and make Bloody Mary’s just in time for Chris Harrison’s arrival. With the smell of Axe body spray permeating the first floor of the mansion, Chris tells them how this works- there will be one group date and two one-on-one dates. If you don’t get a rose… yes Chris we have heard this all before. Chris drops the first date card on the table and leaves. The card reads “love is everywhere” and the date goes to…Eric.

Eric One on One Date

Andi pulls up to the mansion in her convertible, wearing shorty shorts and flashing her baby teeth smile. They arrive at the beach, where Andi strips down to a teeny white bikini (brave move wearing a white bikini on your first date). They build sand castles, fly a kite, do backflips and make sand angels which provides a gratuitous shot of Andi’s crotch. Just when they thought it was time to frolic in the water, SURPRISE!! Is it a bird? A plane? No, silly, this is The Bachelorette; it’s a HELICOPTER of course! The helicopter whisks them up to the top of Bear Mountain, which is complete with snow, snow boarders and Louie Vito who brings them appropriate clothing and teaches them how to snowboard. Rather, he attempts to teach Andi how to snowboard, which amounts to falling and cursing. Once Louie leaves, Eric takes over and it turns out he is an amazing snowboarder and a great teacher.

After hitting the slopes a few times, Eric and Andi relax over a thermos full of hot chocolate then finish the day portion of the date with a sled ride to the bottom of the mountain. Andi says the date has been incredible and that Eric is “the total package.”

The date concludes later that night with dinner at a rustic cabin. In what is one of the most substantive conversations between two contestants in the history of this show, Eric talks about a dangerous encounter he had in Syria during which he was convinced that he was going to die, so he composed a text to a parents. He choked up as he recalled having to say goodbye to his parents, and this is particularly sad knowing that his parents had to say goodbye to him.

As Eric tells Andi about his adventures, his family, and his desire to have a wife and family of his own, Andi looks at him wide eyed and says “Stop.” Actually, she says “Staaahp.” Over and over again. Stop with the staaahps Andi. Just “staaahp.”

Eric gets the rose.

Group Date

Ding Dong! Back at the mansion/AEPi house, the doorbell rings. The date group card has arrived and reads “let’s bare our souls.” The lucky 14 are Brian, Marquel, Bradley, Craig, Brett, Patrick, Cody, Carl, Tasos, Josh, Ron, Marcus, Nick S. and Dylan. The guys brainstorm about the meaning of the word “bare” and discuss being naked, a thong and karaoke. Not one man focuses on the word “souls.” Nick S. is still wearing his beanie.

The guys are extremely excited about the date, but no one is as pumped as Craig! In fact, he is so super psyched that when his name is read he holds up his beer (definitely not his first that day) and bellows in his best gay frat boy voice “Here’s a cheers to that boys. Come on.” Craig is particularly excited about the possibility of getting naked and says “I hopes she loves me ‘cuz I love her.” He talks so loud and fast that sometimes a bit of spittle flies out of his mouth. His eyes are crazy wide and he needs to lay off the Adderall. Or take some. Not exactly sure.

The next day the fab 14 board a bus to the Ohm Nightclub in Hollywood. They arrive wearing hoodies, pants, knit hats (Nick S. loves that hat) and neon sneakers. All except for Cody who is wearing a tank and shorts. He is a personal trainer after all, and his white teeth and ability to push a limo up a hill are his best assets. Andi tells them they will be performing as male exotic dancers, (strippers) and raising money for Bachelor Gives Back, a random charity that was created by the producers who are pretty sure they are going to hell after scripting 28 seasons of this shit show.

The guys are divided into 3 groups based upon some man’s idea of every female’s sexual fantasy: army soldiers, firefighters and cowboys. I don’t know who came up with those categories, but most women I know would say that their sexual fantasies include a group of guys vacuuming the house, another group doing the dishes, and the third group folding the laundry. In addition to the 3 groups of faux fantasy strippers, there will be 2 solo acts: Nick S. will be a robot in a terrible tin foil looking robot suit and Marcus will be an aviator because according to Andi “he is hot and I want him to be top gun.”

The guys gather with their respective groups and practice their routines. The guys get spray tanned, change into banana hammocks and Dylan asks for lube.

While the cowboys rehearse, Craig focuses his attention on his new love interest Josh. He loudly exclaims “Josh is a stud. He’s kind of the full package.” Speaking of package, Craig feels inadequate about his when he puts on his booty shorts, so he has a producer fetch him a washcloth so he can “fill out his package…but not too much.” Good thinking Craig- you don’t want to scare off Josh, I mean Andi, with your big package.

Andi’s friends Kelly the dog lover and Sharleen the opera singer arrive for some unknown reason. They join Andi and the rest of the audience which is comprised of lonely women and Chris Harrison. Kelly and Sharleen bring no value whatsoever to this episode.

The show starts and everything goes off without a hitch. Well, except for one thing: After discarding his robot outfit, a thong clad Nick S. bends over and gives Andi and company a straight on view of his inner crack area and the back side of his balls. That is truly something no woman ever wants to see. Oh, and Chris Harrison smacks one of the firemen on the ass. No one wants to see that either.

In the end, Andi and the guys raise about $37 for Bachelor Gives Back.

No good stripper date would be complete without a nighttime activity and Andi, her suitors and her breasts (which are falling out of her dress) spend the evening getting to know each other. Someone needs to take Andi to Victoria’s Secret because she doesn’t seem to own a bra.

Brian is the first guy to spend alone time with Andi. She tells him that she was very impressed with his stripper act– so impressed that she says the word impressed 7 times in 23 seconds. At least she didn’t tell him “Staaahp.”

Josh is up next and he tells Andi that he doesn’t want to be stereotyped as a “typical athlete.” He also wants her to know that she is his type and that he hasn’t dated a girl in 5 years. That doesn’t include one night stands and random hookups. Josh’s face is very shiny and he could use someBare Minerals to blot the sheen.

Meanwhile, Craig is still drinking non-stop and starts running around the house in a drunken stupor looking for Andi. When he finally finds her he demands that they have some alone time. Andi recognizes that he is drunk, but indulges him by telling him that he can ask her anything. His question? “What is the worst thing about your parents.” But Craig is not phased by Andi’s lack of response or outward cringe. Instead, Craig goes back inside, pours himself a few more shots of Fireball, comes back outside and jumps in the pool fully clothed. Andi hears the ruckus coming from downstairs, is annoyed by the yelling and screaming, and is even more annoyed when she sees Craig in the pool. Craig makes his way out of the pool, loses his pants, staggers into the kitchen and pushes Patrick. At this point, the producers step in and take Craig back to the mansion to dry out, despite their role in letting him drink all day and night in the first place.

As if Craig’s drunken escapade wasn’t annoying enough, Andi goes on a teary rant, dropping “y’alls” all over the place, asking “How did this happen” and questioning whether the guys are here for the right reasons. Give me a break Andi; it was one drunk gay guy. Don’t act like you’ve never seen a drunk guy before. And please girl, saying “y’all” doesn’t make you a southern belle, so staaahp already.

Marcus swoops in and talks about his feelings. Andi calms down and Marcus gets the group date rose.

Chris One on One Date

Back at the mansion, the second solo date card arrives and the date goes to Farmer Chris, who seems like a really nice guy even though he’s missing his upper lip. The card reads “let’s get our love on track.” It should have read “let’s find your upper lip.” Farmer Chris is really excited because “Andi is my dream and I’m in this for the long haul.” He needs to get off the farm more often.

Farmer Chris arrives at the Santa Anita race track and finds Andi waiting for him dressed in a green dress that completely covers her breasts, and her hair pulled back in a formal bun. Andi describes her look as “40’s glam” and when Farmer Chris arrives in shorts and flip flops, she shows him to a dressing room where he can change into an appropriately ridiculous outfit for a race track. He comes out in a bow tie and suit that is 3 times too small. They walk around the track looking foolish at their attempt to pretend they are at the races in 1940. Sorry Andi, no matter how many times you point out the “sophisticated” buildings and the “glamour of the races”, you are not at a romantic locale; you are at the track. If you find the track romantic, you and Farmer Chris can go to OTB on your honeymoon.

Farmer Chris and Andi don’t want to sit with the riff raff who hang out at the track drinking out of a paper bag so they head indoors and sip mint juleps. Farmer Chris tells her he was engaged a few years ago to which she says “staaahp.” They are talking about finding great love when an old married couple who just so happens to be sitting next to them leans in and asks “How long have you known each other?” Does ABC really think we are that stupid? Is there anyone watching this show who actually believes that this old, married for 55 years couple just happened to be sitting there? Staaahp.

And at the end of the night, Farmer Chris gets the rose and of course, a private concert by a no name band. They dance to some random song, and even though there is no chemistry between them, they kiss. Farmer Chris is sweaty and hand-sy and paws at her like a big slobbery St. Bernard in a tight suit and bow tie. Farmer Chris leans in for a kiss and Andi squirms and bends at a 90 degree angle to get away from him. She gives him a few lame pecks on his lips in an attempt to satisfy him and says “I am so happy right now.” Does she not realize we can see her?

Cocktail Party

Andi arrives at the mansion and reminds the guys that she is there to fall in love. She says “y’all” 23 times. She spends some time with Nick V. and a plate of strawberries and they talk about what they are looking for in a relationship. Who cares? Next she talks to Marquel who is wearing an outfit that looks like he got dressed in the dark. I have no idea what he said to her because the noise from the clashing patterns on his shirt, tie and socks completely deafened me. Josh and his shiny face come over next and he is so smitten that he rambles on and on and can’t finish a sentence. He giggles like a little girl when he tells her he wants to get to know her, then next thing you know they are in each others arms, tongues interlocking, making Josh the second kiss of the season. Sorry Farmer Chris but that is what you call chemistry.

Next up is Craig. Poor, hungover, disgraced Craig wants to redeem himself so he pulls out a guitar and sings a little ditty that he wrote himself. It goes something like this:

I messed up last night
I had too much firefly (it’s Fireball, not firefly)
I bared my junk to 13 other guys
But I hope and pray that it’s alright
Oh Andi, Pleeeeeaasse let me stayyyyy!

Uh No
Craig you must go.

Rose Ceremony

Eric, Chris and Marcus all have roses and are safe. The remaining roses go to:

Ron (Hmmm, I wonder why he’s still here)
Dylan (pass the lube, my hair is starting to fall)
JJ (still don’t know what a pantsapreneur is)
Marquel (look to the mismatched shirt and tie)
Andrew (I miss Patrick)
Tasos (love those earrings. Not)
Josh (don’t judge me because my face is shiny)
Cody (pass the protein powder)
Nick V. (I got nothing)
Patrick (I miss Andrew)
Brian (is as exciting as watching paint dry)
Brett (don’t forgive the drunk guy but forgive the guy who stole a lamp)
Bradley (please staaahp singing)

Going home are:

Craig and his firefly,
Nick S. the anus exposing golfer and
Carl the overly tattooed firefighter.

Well y’all, that’s a wrap until next week when we will be treated to not one, but two nights of The Bachelorette. Two nights mean twice the fun, twice the drama and no sleep for me on Sunday and Monday night. You should avoid me at all costs on Tuesday.

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Carole Radziwill – Free Radical

Photo: Anna Gunselman : "The Widow's Guid To Sex and Dating"

Photo: Anna Gunselman : “The Widow’s Guid To Sex and Dating”

Carole Radziwill is unlike any other Housewife I’ve met so far. A free spirited type who doesn’t take herself, or the show, too seriously, she reminds me of the New Yorkers I know. Perhaps because she hails from the same New York City suburb I do. She’s definitely not an uptown, uptight kind of girl. I might dare to say this interview was the greatest honor and challenge I’ve had to date. It’s a little intimidating interviewing a journalist, but Radziwill isn’t one to make others feel insecure or inferior. Just don’t send your ghostwriter to the interview…

TBB: Every Real Housewife has a story, how did you first get involved with the show?

CR: It was a serendipitous. I was finishing up my novel, and Bravo was looking to recast the show. Andy Cohen and I were friends, and he asked me out of the blue at a dinner if I’d be interested-which was surprising since at the time I was only vaguely aware of the show and his involvement in it. I have a natural curiosity for things, it’s my journalistic instinct, and I don’t have children or a husband to embarrass, only my dog Margaret. It was unlike anything I’d ever done, and like my late friend the great Hollywood agent Sue Mengers said,”Who are you to walk away from a deal? You’re just another single girl with bills.” I didn’t think about much more than that.

TBB: You and Andy have been friends for a long time. Was it odd to end up working for him?

CR: Oh shit. Is Andy my boss? I don’t interact with him day-to-day,we report to the show producers. Either way, Andy and I have respect for our friendship so are careful to keep that separate. Honestly, neither of us want to talk Housewives when we are at dinner with friends. But New York is also a very small town if you’re working in any aspect of media or entertainment, and I’ve been in this industry for 20+ years – journalism, writing, producing. There are few strangers in this field.

TBB: Your second season on RHONY is airing now, did you need any convincing to come back after your first one?

CR: Yes, I needed a bigger trailer, all the red M&M’s removed from my afternoon snack tray and a cute boyfriend. I got a bottle of Top Chef wine, and a Mazel t-shirt instead. I’ll try again next season.

TBB: Last season you and Aviva Drescher were buddies, now there’s the infamous “Bookgate.” When we watched the show it seemed like something was lost in editing and the initial conflict over lunch didn’t translate very well to the viewers. Can you fill inthe blanks for us?

CR: Yes, a lot is lost in editing. I get that it left viewers bewildered. The lunch was nearly 2 hours. We spoke a great deal about the state of our friendship, which was at that time, virtually non-existent. That was the conflict, it was not initially about my career or glasses or whether or not I wanted to date her moving men. Before that lunch I filmed scenes with some of the other women and I discussed my friendship with Aviva. So there are hours of footage that could have been used in the show to better set up my feelings going into the lunch. Bravo choose to make it unclear, maybe they thought it was more dramatic? Who knows. I suppose all those things come out at the reunion. Stay tuned.

TBB: What was your own reaction when you watched Aviva’s housewarming party?

CR: It was not at all fun to watch. I’d seen her belittle other cast-mates before but it was the first I’d been at the receiving end of that side of her. I had no idea how much had been said, and filmed, without my knowing — untruths about my career – and watching scene after scene of Aviva spreading lies and ridiculous gossip about me was more shocking than anything that was said at her housewarming party. It was all so contrived and calculated. In our conversation she was unintelligible, nothing she said made any sense. I should have laughed and walked away. But trust me, it is hard to do when you’re being insulted, belittled, and ridiculed. I’m not that cool! Instead, I tried to reason with an unreasonable person and, well, you all saw the result.

TBB: Many Housewives and celebrities in general, have jumped on the book writing bandwagon. As a writer by trade how does that make you feel?

CR: As I said on the show last season to Luann (DeLesseps), I’m happy to see anyone publish a book. My career outside the reality show and books published as part of story-lines on the show are not the same thing. I haven’t read all of the books, but I do hope the show has been a good platform to help them sell. It’s a difficult industry, and especially with the decline of brick and mortar bookstores, it’s hard for any one book to get the attention it needs to sell enough for a publisher to invest in the next one and a next one. I’m in the business of writing and selling books, and it’s good for everyone when people are buying and reading them.

TBB: Your first book, What Remains, was a memoir. Your latest, The Widow’s Guide to Sex and Dating, is anovel. Did you find it more challenging to share your own story, or create a character and her story?

CR: They were two wildly different challenges. It was difficult to relive my own story, and get it down in a way that didn’t feel gratuitous or melancholic. I didn’t want it to be a sad story and it was challenging to step out of my own emotions and write it down — all these people I loved — as characters, in a story. I thought fiction would be so much easier, because you can do whatever you want, but there’s so much art to it. When you’re limited by just your own creativity it can be daunting! After a first draft, I didn’t think any of the characters were interesting at all. I went back and shaded them in, gave it structure, and a more concrete plot.

TBB: Will there be more novels onthe way?

CR: I hope so. I don’t have anything in my head right now because I’m working on a non-fiction book of essays which I hope to finish this year. Then maybe I’ll go back to fiction again.

TBB: Any plans for a movie or TV version of Claire (The Widow’s Guide…) and her story?

CR: Universal/NBC recently bought the rights to the book to develop a television series. So, yes.But I have some experience in Hollywood. It can take years to get the right team in place — show-runners, actors, scriptwriters. People will sign on at different stages and have different creative ideas. So I don’t have a good idea of when Claire and her friends will be on screen. Hopefully in 2015!

TBB: What advice do you have for aspiring writers?

CR: Rewrite. Write everything down, then rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. And ask strangers to read your work. I had a reading group for my memoir. I didn’t know any of them, my sister helped put it together for me and I got such valuable feedback. They helped me understand what worked and didn’t work, where the gaps were. But fall in love with re-writing, that’s where the magic happens.

TBB: Back to Housewives, to date what has been your favorite moment on the show?

CR: There are really so many but I think last season when Heather (Thomson) and I got drunk at a gaybar. I see that scene now and I can see the moment she went from fellow castmember to real friend. I also loved the double date scene with Lu and Jacque. It’s so real. Lots of girls can identify with an awkward first date. Add two cameras recording it all and you have a recipe for funny TV.

TBB: What about your most cringeworthy?

CR: Nothing makes me cringe. Oh, wait, maybe the scene with the matchmaker. I’d try anything once…..Ugh.

TBB: We recently watched you lunch with Brandi Glanville and Yolanda Foster from the Beverly Hills franchise. Do you watch the other Housewives shows and if so, which ones?

CR: I watch whichever show is on when I’m flipping through the channels. And mostly to see who has better cameramen and lighting! I spent 15 years in an edit room so I am interested in the editing also. They are not my guilty pleasure, it’s work now. And with a looming deadline for my next book, and promoting the last one as well as the show, I’ve had to really try to keep quiet space for myself to work. When we are filming, the hours are really consuming. So when we stop, I have to really focus on my day job — there is a lot to make up.

TBB: I like to think that those we have lost watch over us. If your husband, Anthony; and John and Carolyn Kennedy are watching over you, what do you think they are saying about Carole Radziwill, Real Housewife of New York City?

CR: Ha. Well,they all had the most wonderful senses of humor. And all three were risk-takers. Carolyn would probably have secretly loved the show. She’d have been happy with most of my wardrobe. I think all three would be shocked that regular people would be filmed in their own lives and put on television. If they’re watching over me, they probably want me to curse less.

TBB: Thank you for talking with us. Is there anything else you would like people to know about you?

CR: I’m a girly-girl,girls girl.

Reality Roundup: Wedding Bells and Dumbbells– Real Housewives of Orange County Spinoffs!

Tamra Barney (left) and Gretchen Rossi (right). (Source: contactmusic.com)

She’s baaaaackk! Since getting the boot from The Real Housewives of Orange County, Gretchen Rossi has been out of sight and out of mind! However, she and her RHOC fiancé Slade Smiley are ready for their reality television return! The Orange County couple are set to star in a new reality show, Marriage Bootcamp on WeTV!

Marriage Bootcamp is a new reality show that aims to mend the relationships of current and former reality stars and their partners. Joining Gretchen and Slade are Jersey Shore’s Jenni “JWoww” and her fiancé Roger Mathews, Bad Girls Club star Tanish Thomas and her husband Clive, and The Bachelorette alums Trista and Ryan Sutter.

Marriage Bootcamp premieres May 30th, 2014 on WeTV!

Order in the court! The Real Housewives of New Jersey stars Teresa and Joe Giudice have officially begun their pre-sentencing proceedings and are gearing up for their July sentencing date!

“Joe and Teresa will be meeting with officials from the probation department and a report will be prepared for the judge to review at the July 8 sentencing hearing. The probation report will give the judge guidance as to what prison time if any Joe or Teresa will be sentenced to,” a source told Radar Online.“The couple will meet with officials separately. Joe is prepared to tell the probation department that he was the sole perpetrator in the crimes, and that Teresa had no knowledge.”

In doing this, Joe is hoping that the judge will not send Teresa to prison, and instead either give her probation, or house arrest,” the source added. “A meeting with a psychiatrist is also on the books to determine their mental health status, and how they would do if placed in prison. This is always done in these cases, and the Giudices aren’t receiving any special treatment.”

Teresa could face up to 27 months behind bars while Joe could be locked up for over 46 months. The couple pleaded guilty to multiple counts of fraud earlier this year.

Teresa and Joe’s legal drama will be a major story this season on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Reportedly, Teresa’s bosses at Bravo are extremely upset with her after she did not show to the Bravo Up-fronts last week.

“The network obviously wanted her there and wanted her to talk about her legal problems because they are in the show, but she just isn’t willing to do any press right now.” Radar‘s source revealed.

“Teresa is terrified of making a wrong move between now and her sentencing. She’s praying that she gets only house arrest or even probation. So she’s staying out of the limelight and avoiding any situation where she will have to talk about the case.”

Despite the harsh realities, Teresa is living in denial regarding the fact that Joe could possibly be deported back to Italy following the sentencing. “She is hopeful that their lawyers will be able to avoid this altogether, but it isn’t looking like it will happen,” Radar’s source added. “Joe is going to deal with whatever his punishment is, and if that includes being deported, he will face it. Of course, Joe would fight any attempt to be deported, but he knows his chances of being successful are slim.”

Teresa and Joe Giudice will appear in court on July 8th, 2014. Season six of The Real Housewives of New Jersey will premiere the following week on Sunday, July 13th, 2014 at 8 p.m. EST. Catch a sneak peek of the upcoming season here!

Put on those red socks… Top Chef season 12 is headed to Boston! Following the successful 11th season in New Orleans, Bravo’s Top Chef will stage in Boston for season 12!

“Boston has always been at the top of our wish list as a location for ‘Top Chef,’ not only because of its rich historical significance, but also because of its robust and ever-growing culinary scene,” Shari Levine, Senior Vice President of Current Production at Bravo, said in a network press release. “Top Chef will showcase the many facets of the city which in turn will bring its fresh, unique flavor to season 12.”

Host Padma Lakshmi, head judge Tom Colicchio and judge Gail Simmons will all be returning for the upcoming season. Top Chef: Boston will air this fall.

Riding off the success of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills spin-off Vanderpump Rules, Bravo’s network executives are hoping to strike gold in Orange County.

“Bravo is seeking to anchor Monday nights better for RHOC next year with a comparable program, if not a spin-off, that carries a So Cal vibe,” LALATE reported last week.

Although a spin-off focused on Tamra Barney’s CUT Fitness has been denied time and time again, it seems like a great fit!

Tell us— Would you watch a CUT Fitness spin-off? Will Teresa and Joe get off the hook? Leave a comment below and voice your opinion! Your email will never be sold or shared. 

Do you have a submission or idea for next week’s Reality Roundup? Email your thoughts to  brent@tbbreality.com!