By Lesley Rousso
We begin with Joanna and Romain driving and Joanna is blindfolded. Don’t get excited, they are not going somewhere to have much needed sex. The blindfold would be a good start though. He is surprising her with their new house, to which she gives a lackluster reaction. Upon entering the “lobby” (foyer for the rest of us) Joanna is less than thrilled with his modern choice in furnishings. As they step outside though, the view cancels out everything else. Waterfront views are one thing we do well here in Miami.
Meanwhile, Alexia arrives at Marysol‘s apartment. Cari the psychic arrives soon after and does a reading for Marysol. She doles out some blessing ashes and then chants. She whips out the Tarot cards and Marysol asks to hear about Mama Elsa‘s health. Cari picks up card number one and tells her that while her mother is a very strong woman, someone is thinking bad things for her. She picks up el diablo (the devil card) and says someone around fifty with blonde hair is doing black magic. Alexia and Marysol are wide eyed and immediately thinking Lea is responsible (I’m rolling my eyes here by the way). Cari goes on to say that this woman likes to manipulate everyone around her. Marysol then tells us that Lea still hasn’t reached out to Mama Elsa while she’s been ill.
Speaking of Lea, she arrives at the marble store, Opustone to meet Fernan and Fabio, her decorators and Lisa meets them as well. They choose marble for Lea’s new kitchen and Lisa brings up the night at Baoli. Lea then drops a bombshell and says that she was “fixing Adriana up on dates while she was married to Frederic“. She claims that Adri wanted someone who could support the lifestyle she had become accustomed to. That is a strong statement! Lisa looks shocked and Lea then scolds her and tells her in so many words to mind her own business. Agreed, when you have a problem with someone, tell them yourself. Other people mixing in usually doesn’t end well. In Lisa’s defense, I don’t see her as a pot stirrer as much as I think she just thought she could help.
Cut back to Joanna who sits alone in a sex therapist’s waiting room. Dr. Lisa Paz greets her and asks where Romain is. Joanna explains that he is the “woman in the relationship.” He got upset after a series of texts from Marta came in saying she heard more rumors about Romain cheating. Romain refused to come to therapy after reading these texts. Joanna cries and feels terribly that two people she loves so much can’t stand one another. She tells Dr. Paz that they only have sex once every other month, and she just wants to f**k, which is not the way he looks at it. Dr. Paz asks her if maybe he feels emasculated. Joanna says she doesn’t see anything wrong with calling him the “woman” in the relationship.
Lea arrives at The Lance Bass Radio Show, as a guest. She promotes the gala, they talk about previous galas, etc, etc. Alexia arrives at Venue her and Herman‘s magazine where she is the editor in chief. Lex and her assistants talk about Venue’s cover party which happens to be on the same weekend as Lea’s gala. It is not the same night but Lex tells us that with so much going on, she may not make it to the gala. Meanwhile Lea tells us that the last thing she needs to do, so close to the Gala, is go to the Venue party but she will go to support Alexia and Herman.
Back over at the new house, Joanna and Romain are moving in. They discuss his not showing up at the therapist. Romain tells Joanna that Marta is still impacting their relationship in a negative way and Joanna defends her. Romain wants to start over and asks when will she be over him cheating on her. They talk about the visit to Dr. Paz a little and have a laugh. Would you be laughing if you were only having sex every other month? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
We head to Lisa’s where Adri arrives and the two sit down to chat. They talk about sex and Adri whips out a naughty nurse outfit while we pray it is a brand new one and not something she is sharing. Then the conversation turns serious as Lisa repeats what Lea told her at the stone store and about the document that Joanna and Lea showed her at Baoli. Adri talks in circles about the situation. AGAIN. I’m still confused as I’m sure you are too. Adri says Lea’s matchmaking tale was bullshit and why, she says, would she let her child play with Lea’s son when Lea is talking behind her back this way? Touché Adri. Lisa tries to make her feel better and Adri appreciates her candor. Adri then asks Lisa to be a bridesmaid and Lisa is thrilled. As the weeks go on, I see Lisa as being a really good girl, with genuine intentions.
It’s the night of the Venue party and Lea arrives first, seeming slightly annoyed that she’s there already and no one else is. Even this Jew from Pinecrest (that’s me) knows that Latin time is later than actual time. I’m wondering why the wasp from Coral Gables is unaware of this. Lea, love you, but you didn’t fall off the truck from Texas yesterday. Lea tells us, she blew off getting sushi with Lance and Jonathan Cheban at his new restaurant, to be the only fool in the room. That’s funny actually. The party gets going and our hostess arrives and Lea gets on her knees and begs Lex and Herman to come to the Gala.
Frederic and Adri pull up, followed by Joanna and Romain. Adri is visibly nervous about seeing Lea. Lea who is on her best behavior, hugs and kisses Joanna and Romain and then goes over and says hello to Adri and Frederic. Adri calls Lea’s warm greeting a facade and Alexia agrees. Adri tells us that Frederic and Roamain had a twitter fight after Adri’s “altercation” with Joanna. Over the summer apparently, they ran into each other and smoothed things over. I guess Romain has forgotten about this, as he starts in on Frederic. The three start arguing in French, and Romain tells Adri she can’t speak French and should learn to speak it properly. Who cares, it sounded good to me, I want to argue in French. They switch back to English and Romain tells Adri to shut the fuck up while Frederic further emasculates Romain by calling him “a little girl.” Lea is horrified, saying Adri’s gone off the deep again again while Alexia just sits around and watches it. I’m proud of Joanna, who must not be drinking, that she keeps quiet. Even as Adri shouts out that Romain has been sleeping with a Columbian girl. Alexia meanwhile says as long as there’s no blood flying around, she doesn’t care if they’re making a spectacle of themselves. It just gives people another reason to talk about the party. The “Any publicity is good publicity” theory?
Adri and Frederic move on to Lea. Frederic explains about having already worked out things with Romain. They argue again, blah blah blah. Joanna lets us know that while Romain may act like a girl regarding sex, when it comes to “protecting” his woman, he’s all man. The party goes on and Marysol and Ana come in, and Lea looks horrified. Alexia calls her out saying she’s being a hypocrite by kissing Ana hello. Ana went first to say hello though and Lea responded with “I’m nice to everyone”. Lea exits saying hello to Marysol on the way out which Marysol pretty much ignores. Adri and Frederic are next to bolt out and the episode ends. I think both Adri and Lea have their valid points but the only team I’m on now is Team Lisa, it seems the safest.
Next week, Lenny and Lisa argue again about using a surrogate, Adri and her team go to the gay polo event, where Alexia appears to upset them and the Blacks Annual Gala is in full swing.