RHOM Season 3 Ep 4 “Black Magic”

"Pardon our French..." Frederic and Romain disagree. Credit:Bravotv.com

“Pardon our French…” Frederic and Romain disagree. Credit:Bravotv.com

By Lesley Rousso

We begin with Joanna and Romain driving and Joanna is blindfolded. Don’t get excited, they are not going somewhere to have much needed sex. The blindfold would be a good start though. He is surprising her with their new house, to which she gives a lackluster reaction. Upon entering the “lobby” (foyer for the rest of us) Joanna is less than thrilled with his modern choice in furnishings. As they step outside though, the view cancels out everything else. Waterfront views are one thing we do well here in Miami.

Meanwhile, Alexia arrives at Marysol‘s apartment. Cari the psychic arrives soon after and does a reading for Marysol. She doles out some blessing ashes and then chants. She whips out the Tarot cards and Marysol asks to hear about Mama Elsa‘s health. Cari picks up card number one and tells her that while her mother is a very strong woman, someone is thinking bad things for her. She picks up el diablo (the devil card) and says someone around fifty with blonde hair is doing black magic. Alexia and Marysol are wide eyed and immediately thinking Lea is responsible (I’m rolling my eyes here by the way). Cari goes on to say that this woman likes to manipulate everyone around her. Marysol then tells us that Lea still hasn’t reached out to Mama Elsa while she’s been ill.

Speaking of Lea, she arrives at the marble store, Opustone to meet Fernan and Fabio, her decorators and Lisa meets them as well. They choose marble for Lea’s new kitchen and Lisa brings up the night at Baoli. Lea then drops a bombshell and says that she was “fixing Adriana up on dates while she was married to Frederic“. She claims that Adri wanted someone who could support the lifestyle she had become accustomed to. That is a strong statement! Lisa looks shocked and Lea then scolds her and tells her in so many words to mind her own business. Agreed, when you have a problem with someone, tell them yourself. Other people mixing in usually doesn’t end well. In Lisa’s defense, I don’t see her as a pot stirrer as much as I think she just thought she could help.

Cut back to Joanna who sits alone in a sex therapist’s waiting room. Dr. Lisa Paz greets her and asks where Romain is. Joanna explains that he is the “woman in the relationship.” He got upset after a series of texts from Marta came in saying she heard more rumors about Romain cheating. Romain refused to come to therapy after reading these texts. Joanna cries and feels terribly that two people she loves so much can’t stand one another. She tells Dr. Paz that they only have sex once every other month, and she just wants to f**k, which is not the way he looks at it. Dr. Paz asks her if maybe he feels emasculated. Joanna says she doesn’t see anything wrong with calling him the “woman” in the relationship.

Lea arrives at The Lance Bass Radio Show, as a guest. She promotes the gala, they talk about previous galas, etc, etc. Alexia arrives at Venue her and Herman‘s magazine where she is the editor in chief. Lex and her assistants talk about Venue’s cover party which happens to be on the same weekend as Lea’s gala. It is not the same night but Lex tells us that with so much going on, she may not make it to the gala. Meanwhile Lea tells us that the last thing she needs to do, so close to the Gala, is go to the Venue party but she will go to support Alexia and Herman.

Back over at the new house, Joanna and Romain are moving in. They discuss his not showing up at the therapist. Romain tells Joanna that Marta is still impacting their relationship in a negative way and Joanna defends her. Romain wants to start over and asks when will she be over him cheating on her. They talk about the visit to Dr. Paz a little and have a laugh. Would you be laughing if you were only having sex every other month? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

We head to Lisa’s where Adri arrives and the two sit down to chat. They talk about sex and Adri whips out a naughty nurse outfit while we pray it is a brand new one and not something she is sharing. Then the conversation turns serious as Lisa repeats what Lea told her at the stone store and about the document that Joanna and Lea showed her at Baoli. Adri talks in circles about the situation. AGAIN. I’m still confused as I’m sure you are too. Adri says Lea’s matchmaking tale was bullshit and why, she says, would she let her child play with Lea’s son when Lea is talking behind her back this way? Touché Adri. Lisa tries to make her feel better and Adri appreciates her candor. Adri then asks Lisa to be a bridesmaid and Lisa is thrilled. As the weeks go on, I see Lisa as being a really good girl, with genuine intentions.

Your Life is Priceless, shouldn’t everybody’s be?

It’s the night of the Venue party and Lea arrives first, seeming slightly annoyed that she’s there already and no one else is. Even this Jew from Pinecrest (that’s me) knows that Latin time is later than actual time. I’m wondering why the wasp from Coral Gables is unaware of this. Lea, love you, but you didn’t fall off the truck from Texas yesterday. Lea tells us, she blew off getting sushi with Lance and Jonathan Cheban at his new restaurant, to be the only fool in the room. That’s funny actually. The party gets going and our hostess arrives and Lea gets on her knees and begs Lex and Herman to come to the Gala.

Frederic and Adri pull up, followed by Joanna and Romain. Adri is visibly nervous about seeing Lea. Lea who is on her best behavior, hugs and kisses Joanna and Romain and then goes over and says hello to Adri and Frederic. Adri calls Lea’s warm greeting a facade and Alexia agrees. Adri tells us that Frederic and Roamain had a twitter fight after Adri’s “altercation” with Joanna. Over the summer apparently, they ran into each other and smoothed things over. I guess Romain has forgotten about this, as he starts in on Frederic. The three start arguing in French, and Romain tells Adri she can’t speak French and should learn to speak it properly. Who cares, it sounded good to me, I want to argue in French. They switch back to English and Romain tells Adri to shut the fuck up while Frederic further emasculates Romain by calling him “a little girl.” Lea is horrified, saying Adri’s gone off the deep again again while Alexia just sits around and watches it. I’m proud of Joanna, who must not be drinking, that she keeps quiet. Even as Adri shouts out that Romain has been sleeping with a Columbian girl. Alexia meanwhile says as long as there’s no blood flying around, she doesn’t care if they’re making a spectacle of themselves. It just gives people another reason to talk about the party. The “Any publicity is good publicity” theory?
Adri and Frederic move on to Lea. Frederic explains about having already worked out things with Romain. They argue again, blah blah blah. Joanna lets us know that while Romain may act like a girl regarding sex, when it comes to “protecting” his woman, he’s all man. The party goes on and Marysol and Ana come in, and Lea looks horrified. Alexia calls her out saying she’s being a hypocrite by kissing Ana hello. Ana went first to say hello though and Lea responded with “I’m nice to everyone”. Lea exits saying hello to Marysol on the way out which Marysol pretty much ignores. Adri and Frederic are next to bolt out and the episode ends. I think both Adri and Lea have their valid points but the only team I’m on now is Team Lisa, it seems the safest.

Next week, Lenny and Lisa argue again about using a surrogate, Adri and her team go to the gay polo event, where Alexia appears to upset them and the Blacks Annual Gala is in full swing.

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RHOM Season 3 Ep 3 Booby-Trapped

Lisa, Lea, and Joanna escape from the other women. Credit: Bravotv.com

Lisa, Lea, and Joanna escape from the other women. Credit: Bravotv.com

By Lesley Rousso

Episode three picks up where we left off, with Adriana and Lea still arguing in the rain.  Adri’s umbrella was clearly injured during the fight, as we see it lying in the driveway.  Adri tells Lea that she resents her and that Lea turned on her.  Lea fires back that Adri should have defended her with Ana.  I agree with Lea here and I guess Adri does too, as she apologizes and says she regrets not doing so.  As they show the scene from the reunion, it’s true Ana was vicious toward Lea.  Adri says that Marysol & Alexia have been saying that Lea is talking behind her back, all over town.  Lea’s response is that Adri took the bait, they wanted to turn the two against each other and succeeded.  Adri tells Lea that she didn’t have her back with Joanna. To which Lea responds, that she did not agree with Adri slapping her.  (It looked more like a punch from our point of view.)  Adri says that Lea collects people and she’s bascially old news now that she’s BFFs with Joanna.  Lea asks her why she’s so jealous of Joanna, Adri says she’s not jealous. Lea’s not buying that and neither am I.  Adri is very hurt and it wouldn’t be normal for her not to be a little envious of the new found friendship.  Adri leaves in a huff, telling Lea she can never win with her.  It’s now beautiful outside.  That’s Miami weather for you.

Joanna and Romain arrive at the Sony Open in Key Biscayne to watch Maria Sharapova play.  All the moaning apparently reminds Joanna of sex, which she claims they never have.  Romain tries to change the subject, telling her she’s talking too much.  She kind of is, it is a tennis tournament.  You’re supposed to be fairly quiet when the ball is in play.  Joanna keeps on keeping on though and Romain tells her she needs to spice it up, to “wake up and change the sauce” and that “everything gets old and boring”.  Horrified, Joanna suggests that they see a professional.  No, not a hooker, a sex therapist.  Get your minds out of the gutter.

Frederic comes home and find Adri sulking on the couch. She fills him in on the fight with Lea and breaks down in tears.  Frederic angrily tells Adri, “She’s not worthy of us, you think I’m scared of Lea Black? I’m going to text her “Watch out Lea Black when you see Frederic Marq”  Okay…I’m quite sure Lea was quaking in her Louboutins when that text came in.

Alexia hangs out in the kitchen with Frankie and Peter.  Wow, Peter used to be so handsome and still probably is under his mullet-like hair.  I’m sure Alexia cringes at this.  Alexia basically tells us that Peter is a bit of a deadbeat.  He lives at home, and sleeps all hours.  After trying modeling and photography, he’s now focusing on his music.  I’ll use the term music loosely.  Alexia however thinks that music will be his career and has built him a studio.  The song he wrote for Frankie includes the lyrics “I get high as f*ck” and “I give it to her real hard”.  Alexia is adorable though as she nods and smiles at Frankie as he’s singing.  She has a full plate and is making the best of it.  It can’t be easy for her.

Lisa and Lenny lounge in their bathroom as Lisa calls Lea and plans a girls night.  She tells her it’ll only be the two of them and Joanna.  Lenny brings Lisa some wine as she perfoms her thirty minute before bed facial routine.  Lenny’s complaining he’s tired and they get in bed. Lisa can’t sleep. I don’t understand how she again has a face full of makeup, after just watching her take it off.  Bravo magic I guess.  Meanwhile the two discuss hiring a surrogate, which upsets Lisa who wants so badly to be pregnant herself.  It’ll happen one way or the other Lisa, fingers crossed for you!

Back at Alexia’s bayfront home, she sits outside with her mother, Nancy, and talks about the problems she’s having with Peter.  Nancy is a psychiatrist remember, so she is trying to help Alexia with him.  Alexia tells her that Peter has a new tattoo which reads “Alexia”.  This amuses Nancy a little.  Alexia reveals to us that the boys real father, Peter Rosello has served time for drug trafficking and says that Peter relates to his real father.  Nancy suggests that Peter needs a job.  Good thinking Nance!  I could’ve told you that one.

Over at Adri’s house, also waterfront, Marysol comes over for drinks.  Marysol meanwhile has a sleeveless dress on, and Adri is wearing a coat.  Maybe it was one of our cold days (68 degrees).  They discuss Mama Elsa and Marysol gives Adri Elsa’s wedding mantilla, a prayer shawl for the wedding.  Adri tells us that she feels closer to Marysol now that she’s joined the victims of Lea club.  Marysol asks if Adri is inviting Lea to the wedding.  Adri says that she doesn’t want someone there who doesn’t wish her well.

Alexia and Lea meet up for lunch and the two discuss the fight she had with Adri.  Lea says that Adri went from “an underdog to an attack dog”.  Alexia confronts Lea about what she heard Lea was saying about her son Peter.  Lea says that’s not true and that she’s always defended Alexia.  She doesn’t think however that Alexia has ever defended her.  Alexia tells Lea that if it were something she agreed with she would and that she’s not afraid of Lea.  Alexia tells us that her and Lea have been friends for years and she wants to trust her.  (She cannot though because Lea always ends up turning on people.)

Lea, Lisa and Joanna arrive for dinner at Baoli.  Lea’s flower on her shirt is so gigantic, it arrives ten minutes before.  The three idly chitchat and Adri, Alexia and Marysol walk in.  Marysol asks “Who invited the grim reaper?”  Lisa has pulled a fast one, inviting them all.  Drama ensues and Lea storms out, but not before kissing Adri hello, being the bigger person. Lisa explains that she’s only trying to bring everyone together.  It’s very uncomfortable.  Lisa tries to no avail.  Then Joanna whips out a print out of the court document proving Adri actually is married.  Jesus, we are still on this?  Who cares anymore??  The episode ends with Lea crying that she would never intentionally leak a story about any of her friends to the press.

Next week, Lisa confronts Adri with the paperwork, Marysol visits a Tarot card reader and Frederic , Adri and Romain fight.  Stay tuned…

The Real Housewives of Miami: Season 3 preview

Wedding bells ring for Romain and Joanna on the new season  of RHOM. Photo credit: Bravotv.com

Wedding bells ring for Romain and Joanna on the new season of RHOM.
Photo credit: Bravotv.com

By Lesley Rousso

If the preview of the third season of The Real Housewives of Miami isn’t just clever editing, we are in for a bumpy ride.  The three B’s come to mind, Boobs, Break-ups and Black Magic.  The usual suspects are back – Lea Black, Adriana de Moura, Lisa Hochstein and Joanna Krupa.  Alexia Echevarria is back full time, which hopefully means her son is doing much better.  Marysol Patton and Ana Quincoces have been put on recurring status and Karent Sierra is nowhere to be found this season.  Which honestly, is just fine by me.  Well, except for the fact that Mama Elsa will be on less, which is sort of devastating.

Some of this season’s highlights include Joanna and her sister, baring their breasts in a hot tub, with Lisa feeling and sizing them up while Lea looks on.  Awkward!  Maybe this is just a scene from a bachleorette party as two of the girls plan to wed this season.  We see Adriana meeting at outdoor museum Wynwood Walls explaining what she wants on her big day to whom I assume is  her wedding planner.  Joanna and Romain discuss signing a pre-nup (Good thinking, Romain!). Ms. Krupa, however, doesn’t seem to be very happy about it.

The other women may not be marrying, but aren’t short on drama. Poor Lisa continues to struggle with infertility.  Marysol visits  a tarot card reader who tells her an “older blonde woman” has been conjuring up black magic to use against her. Could that be her own mother? Elsa sure fits that description.

There will also be plenty of conflict. Romain and Frederic have words, and possibly, fists.  Joanna and Lisa have a fight in which Lisa calls Joanna “delusional”.  Adriana tells Lea to “Have a merry life with all your riches. Sorry I wasn’t good enough to be your friend.” Alexia has words with both Lisa and Lea. The confrontation with Lea is over lunch, and the one with Lisa seems to be on a party bus.

It’s a show in a show, Battle of the Bravolebs: Wedding Edition, as Adriana and Joanna both walk down the aisle.   It remains to be seen if Lea makes an appearance at Adri’s wedding, or Lisa at Joanna’s.  Will the girls be enemies all season?  Will they kiss and make up?  Who the hell knows!  I do know, that I’m looking forward to watching the gals from the 305 this season, which begins Monday August 12th at 9 on Bravo.  That Miami heat can make you a little wacky; I’m a local, you can trust me on that one.

Watch the RHOM  Season 3 trailer on Bravo’s website: