The Waiting Is Indeed the Hardest Part

Somethings are worth the wait, as excruciating as it can be. Photo taken by Beth Capuano

Somethings are worth the wait, as excruciating as it can be. Photo taken by Beth Capuano

If you’ve been following Jersey Belle closely then you are probably also following its star Jaime Primak Sullivan on Facebook. Jaime has created a daily segment she calls Cawffee Tawk, most likely a nod to SNL‘s legendary skits created by Mike Myers. This morning Jaime posted one that really resonated with me. It was about who knows what is best for us…is it ourselves or fate?

This message comes at a particularly crucial time for me. I’m about to return to my job after a lengthy vacation. Nothing out of the ordinary, except that I thought I wasn’t supposed to return. I thought my family was supposed to relocate…a plan that got crushed at the last minute. Sadly it’s the second time this has happened to us.

While I’m sure Primak’s soliloquy is a nod to last night’s episode in which she is adamant that having a fourth child is right for her, it makes me think of my own situation and a dozen others in which what I thought I wanted didn’t work out and how later life revealed why. Perhaps the one most of us can relate to is a failed relationship and how if he/she wasn’t the one that got away we wouldn’t be with who we are with now, or have the children we have now.

Having traveled the rough road of infertility, I often say now, in hindsight, how fortunate I was to have gone through what I did. Had it been any other way, my amazing twins wouldn’t be mine. They’d be somebody else, or maybe they wouldn’t  be twins at all. Anybody who knew me during my pregnancy will testify why two for the price of one was such a blessing…for everyone involved.

In 2013 I interviewed for a job at Bethenny. I was so excited to get that interview. My media resume had been dead for over a decade before I started TBBReality so to be called into that interview based on what I had created myself was huge for me. Man was I excited…and man was I bummed when I didn’t get a call back. However  I was so relieved that I had not gotten a position and walked away from my current secure position for it when that show got canceled. I’m sure that somewhere Bethenny Frankel is now waiting for it to be revealed why her talk show didn’t work out…and it will be…and she will probably let us know when it is.

Meanwhile I’m now waiting to find out why again I didn’t relocate. I’ve heard the company we were moving for has been in some serious trouble lately. I’ve heard employees involved in the kind of work we were moving for have gotten sick. Maybe health and safety is why it didn’t work out.

Maybe it didn’t work out because New York, as over it as I am, is not yet over me. As much as I despise the winters here, the rat race, the commuting, clearly there is something this city needs me here for. When I was planning my move I can’t tell you how many people said to me “but what about your website? You have to stay here!” Even more touching were the friends who said I couldn’t go because they wanted me here.

Whatever it is, I hope it all reveals itself soon. If TBB is my stepping stone, well then I eventually need to know where it is I am stepping. Summer is ending and the season here is about to change. Though fall is the death of things in the natural world, it, from the memory of those back to school clothes and the feeling of renewal it brings from our childhoods in the American school system, is one of our greatest times of rebirth. Change is coming, and I’m ready for it. To quote Tom Petty, however, The Waiting Is The Hardest Part. Ironically that song keeps popping up on my Pandora lately.