RHONJ Season 5 ep 7 “When Joes Collide”

We're all begging you ladies to stop screaming at each other. Photo credit" bravotv.com

We’re all begging you ladies to stop screaming at each other.
Photo credit: bravotv.com

Three seconds  in and the word “stripper” already surfaces, which is not good considering the group is getting ready for a relationship strengthening retreat in scenic Lake George,NY. As everybody packs they take turns predicting just how awful this trip will be. Their attitudes suck, setting us up for what could be World War III.

Melissa, Joe Gorga, Kathy, Rich, and Rosie all head upstate in a chartered bus that is complete with a stripper pole. I’m wondering why all these stripper references. Is this forshadowing? Teresa and Juicy head up alone sweetly holding hands, and unsweetly talking about the others. They aren’t the only ones at fault though, everybody on the fun bus is talking smack as well, everyone except for Rosie who gets my vote for best in  show this week. Rosie has the right attitude and a big open heart. Personally I think she would have done a better job than the assigned “team leaders” but I’ll get to that later.

The Manzos and Lauritas are skipping out on the retreat. Caroline instead is trying to get Al to relax from his work schedule (what else is new) and he’s taking her for a walk over a bridge. Being that Caro is terrified of heights this may be a tactic to make her ship him back to The Brownstone. Jac tells us she didn’t go because she’s rather have her lips waxed, “all of them.” Doesn’t matter, she’s too busy cleaning Santino’s poop off her deck.

Back to the traveling 7, they all arrive at the…uh resort? Not sure what to call it, but it’s snowy and desolate, and may as well be the hotel from The Shining, because it’s about to get pretty scary in there. Rosie is all excited for the “team leaders” to arrive. Everybody else seems like they’d rather be getting waxed with Jacqueline.

The team leaders finally arrive and I’m pretty sure one of them is Ron Howard. “Opie” and his co-leader look a little, ok a LOT, too innocent to work with this crowd. Steve states he’s been doing this relationship building schtick for a long time, but even if he had hair when he started his career, I bet nothing could prepare him for the RHONJ cast. They start by tossing a bunch of colored napkins inside a ring (really a giant noose on the floor).  In all honesty it looks like something my kids played at toddler gym.

The exercise is reminiscent of Twister. They all have to stand on the squares without touching the ground. Each time they succeed a square is taken away, and Joe Gorga sticks his hands further up his wife’s ass. After they graduate from Gymboree, Steve and Stephanie want to know why they were able to work together. Kathy says it’s because it was a simple task. Melissa tells the cameras it’s because Juicy’s brain can comprehend it.

After the episode of Romper Room has ended things start to get heated, and it’s not just because the climate system is cranked up too high. Somehow the arguing starts and then snowballs and snowballs and snowballs and as it gets louder and louder members of the “team” really retreat until the last two arguing are Melissa and Teresa who are face to face screaming and squeaking and we can barely understand what they are saying, though I’m sure our dogs could. This is the much promoted scene of Mel on her knees begging “stop hurting us.”

Steve and Stephanie have now gotten so quiet I think they may have left the room…and retired. Suddenly Joe Gorga is calling Teresa “scum”. Teresa then goes outside and calls Juicy in  for back up and then Gorga throws his entire body into Juicy. The saga continues next week in what looks like it could be the ugliest fight in RHONJ history thus far.

Who do you think is at fault for the brawl, Juicy or Joe G? Share your opinion and be entered to win an autographed book by one of the cast members. 

*TBB will never share your email address. Your email will only be used to contact you in the event that you win.