RHONJ Season 5 Ep 11 “Children of the Scorned”

Ashlee wants to know if her mom will look like this. Credit: bravotv.com

Bare with me because a LOT happens in this episode. First we need to complete the confrontation at The Brick House. Why oh why  the cliff hanger Siren? Anti climactic is an understatement. The biggest tension was praying Juicy would keep his foot out of his mouth as he awkwardly tried to describe his limited understanding of autism to Chris Laurita. Tre and Jac somehow agree to a truce. They come out, tell the men everything is copacetic, and then Jac downs a glass of wine.

Chris then appears in the BLK offices. The Manzo boys enter and the meeting starts with a little Tre gossip. Who needs women around when you’ve got men like these? The guys retrieve their balls when the business meeting commences with this analogy, BLK is like the “wife”…tend to it during the day. Little Town is the “girlfriend” it gets the nights. Hopefully Jac will see that and give Chris the couch.

Speaking of Jac she’s out shopping with Kathy again and announces, while surrounded by bras and butt lifting panties, that she is having a tummy tuck. Kathy says “You don’t need it.” Sounds to me like Kathy is a  little jealous. Then Jac reveals she’s also having her neck tightened. “Who looks up at that?” Kathy wants to know. “Haven’t you ever been riding your husband?” Jac says loudly, nearly costing an elderly lady her life.

The Giudice house is jumping…with little girls packing Nerf guns. Looks like Juicy doesn’t need a son after all. While Tre and the younger Giudettes eavesdrop, Gia is globbing on the makeup with her friends. They are wearing identical pink Dylan’s Candy Bar sweatshirts. They remind me of some prearranged advertising version of the Pink Ladies. Gia is talking about her plans to go Go-Karting with her uncle Joey. Cut to Joey picking up Gia and we wonder if she’s ditched her friends and left them in her room for the night. She’s ditched the pink billboard…er sweatshirt, in exchange for Michael Jackson’s jacket.

Joey takes Gia to the Go-Karts because every teenage girl wants to don a helmet after spending the entire afternoon doing her hair.  After some laps around, during which Joey admits to wanting to beat a kid in a race, they grab some pizza. This is when Gia lays into Zio Joe and lays into him thick! Holding nothing back she calls him out on his behavior, including his animalistic show at his son’s very own christening. We start to see exactly which cast member has had the common sense all this time…and then we are reminded of that awkward song from a couple of season’s ago.

**Treat your own “Gia” to something really cool…We are giving 3 away!**

WIth Gia and Joey back on the right track it’s time to see how everyone else is doing. The entire gang, and I mean ENTIRE is at Tre and Juicy’s house. Even Jac, to which Tre says is “weird and normal” at the same time. Everyone is headed to a charity Zumba class for Tre’s chosen cause, NephCure, but first they need to get liquored up, because it’s so important to get drunk before a workout. Once they all board the party bus, I am glad they are relaxed because there’s the appearances of a stripper pole and the word sociopath…which Tre needs to ask Siri to define. No worries, they get to Zumba, they dance, it’s a wonderful time for all.

The next wonderful time is a farewell party for Albie and Chris’s former roommate Greg. Though the tulle encased chair makes it look like it’s his bridal shower. Tre and Juicy don’t attend because Greg didn’t invite them and Caroline blubbers because she feels like she’s losing a son.

The episode finally ends with Jac’s trip to see Ashlee and send off her spare tire. On the eve of surgery Jac drinks like a fish and her father lectures her about how he isn’t compelled to fix his imperfections. I find this irritating because a man cannot compare his physical insecurities with that of a woman’s. This society puts far more pressure on females to look a certain way. Men can look however they want…so long as they have money. Post surgery Jac is in full head bandage, and eye makeup. She passes out and we cheer that this long long long hour is over.

Next Week: Melissa and Jan face off.

Why We Should All Leave Gia Alone

Every preteen girl will have her moments, and last night Gia Giudice had a pre teen PMS meltdown on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Oh, like you never had one yourself when your hormones were starting to shift and every mole hill seemed like a mountain? Lucky you, yours wasn’t broadcast for the rest of America (and beyond) to witness and ridicule.  Although some felt that Mother Teresa (the Fabulicious, not saintly one) was too dismissive of her daughter’s less than stellar behavior, I’m going to have to side with Team Giudice on this one. Here is why: 

1. Jaclyn egged her on. I can let you know, as a teacher myself, that the books Jaclyn began reading aloud about sportsmanship were targeted for children younger than Gia. By giving the already upset 10 year old a read aloud designed for a 6 year old you were inadvertently calling her a baby. Shame on you Jaclyn, don’t you know by now how easy it is to send a teenage, or almost teenage girl over the edge? Oh yeah, you do, that’s why you couldn’t suppress your giggles while trying to read it. Your responsibility was to be the adult in an uncomfortable situation. Epic fail Mrs. Laurita. (In her defense, I did see Jaclyn admit somewhere…Twitter? her blog?…that she realized she was wrong). 

2. Editing, editing, editing. Even though shows like Housewives are classified as “Reality TV” what we are seeing is real footage edited down to its most entertaining form. For all we know Mamma T could have given little G a talking to that was taken out to propel the image of bratiness that the Giudice girls have become infamous for. Or, perhaps, Teresa is now wise enough to take those serious talks away from the camera’s lens where they belong. Then again, we did go bra shopping and learn about Italian tampon lore last night. 

3. The Manzo’s are clannish and Caroline is the Queen. If you haven’t realized it now, the Manzo-Laurita crew is truly “thick as thieves.” It has to be somewhat uncomfortable hanging around them when there is tension between your mom and Caroline. Last night Lauren even stated that family gatherings should be just them, plus, I assume, Gregg Bennett, whose role in the family I still don’t quite get, even though I love his tweets! 

4. Gia is 10 folks, and no matter how grown up of a world she is thrust into, she’s still a little girl. Sadly for her the world is one of mommy on the cover of Us Weekly being vilified and daddy’s mugshot everywhere. Who wouldn’t act out? Bottom line is no matter how rotten a child’s behavior is perceived, a child is still a child. So please, cut Gia some slack. Or at least give it to Milania, that tyke can dish it out and take it!