RHONJ Season 5 Ep 9 “On Thin Giud-Ice”

Will this ever happen again? Only time will tell. Photo credit: Bravotv.com

By Lesley Rousso and Tara Cushing

We pick up from last week right where we left off with Teresa and Joey talking to Dr. V. The two finally seem to come to a resolution. Meanwhile, downstairs as they discuss the previous day’s events, Caroline tells Melissa her behavior with Tre was “over the top”. Melissa clearly disagrees. Dr. V comes in and asks Melissa to come upstairs. Rosie, the perpetual cheeleader goes to high five Mel, Mel leaves her hanging.

Back downstairs, Caroline asks what the deal is with Dr. V and Kathy tells her she’s going to be taking them upstairs one by one to talk out their issues with Tre. Joey tells Tre that she needs to give Melissa a chance. Tre agrees, but in her commentary says that Melissa rejected her early on and that’s always in the back of her mind. Dr. V tells Melissa that Joe and Tre are actually having a good time getting to the bottom of things. Melissa sits down and they talk, going back and forth for some time. “Teresa doesn’t accept me,” says Melissa. “You tweet negative things about me”, Tre fires back. Basically the same conversation we’ve heard the past three seasons.

Melissa tells The LA Shrink that Tre said she would leave Joe for a richer man, and the rumors about stripping and cheating. Tre tries to explain her way out of all of it. After much prompting and Dr.V’s help Tre admits she has done things to hurt them. Joe let’s her off the hook, but it’s not as easy for Melissa. She finally agrees to meet Tre halfway and throw all the dirty water under the bridge. Tre then tells Melissa, and we quote “If something bothers you, nip it in the butt right away”. Teresaism number 5,657. Tre gets up and tells Melissa, “C’mere bitch, give me a hug.” Apparently, after all these seasons, “bitch” is still “better”. Dr.V tells Tre to go get Juicy because he’s the last piece of the puzzle. Juicy joins the group and adds his two cents in. It ends with a round of hugs. Cumbuya! We think Dr. V must be a magician.

While the Peace Summit is in progress, the rest of the cast decided to frolic outside in the snow. Rich asks the girls “Do you think if Dr.V wasn’t so attractive the two Joes would be listening to her all this time?” We all love his deep thoughts. Caroline makes snowballs, and Kathy wears what looks like a polar bear around her neck. Dr. V finally emerges from the dark side to tell everybody things are as good as they will get. She bids them farewell and like Mary Poppins she’s off to save somebody else. This does not sit well with Kathy as she assumed she would get to sit down and talk about her issues with Tre. Perhaps Kathy should have offered Dr. V and her Italian nether regions a cannoli.

The girls meet up at the table to tell Kathy and Caroline what happened. Melissa says it was a major breakthrough for her and Tre. Tre thanks Caroline for coming and trying to help. Kathy apologizes to Tre for what she said about her father, but that what Tre said was hurtful too and Tre returns the apology.

They boys and Rosie go ice fishing and Rosie hasn’t yet secured strong enough alcohol. Not sure why Rosie is always running off with the men. Some say it’s because she’s a lesbian, we think it’s because she’s Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, and the rest of the cast.

Back at the inn, the girls go in the kitchen to cook, because this is what, according to Teresa, Italians do. “Food is love” lord knows what kind of mess she and Juicy must make of their sheets. Melissa goes in the kitchen to drink, and drink, and try to get everyone else to drink. We’re pretty sure she drank for all of them. She’s also reluctant to cook. Apparently her makeup can’t take the heat in the kitchen.

By the time they sit down for dinner Melissa is wrecked, and a lesbian. She continuously hits on Rosie and slurs her speech. Juicy tells Caroline he thought Jac and Chris were coming, so he brought a bottle of wine they had made together one year. He asks Caroline to give it to them. Rich tells Juicy he should give it to them himself and try to make amends. Caroline tells the table how hard life is with Nick, that it’s a twenty-four seven job. Umm, parenting any child is a 24/7 job…unless you have to frequently leave town for Bravo cast filmings.

Back in New Jersey, Chris and Jac have a nice dinner out and Jac admits that she doesn’t want Tre back in her life. Chris admits he masturbated with socks when he was CJ’s age.

After dinner Rosie makes everyone play the trust/fall game. Rich catches Rosie and cops a feel proving you can take the pervert out of New Jersey but he will still be a pervert. Tre wants to catch Caroline, but Caro says only if Tre agrees to reach out to Jac to try to work things out.

Everyone heads upstairs and Juicy and his sherbet colored sweater sit down with Tre to talk. Juicy tells Tre that they must give Jac and Chris a pass. Tre disagrees and Juicy says he doesn’t want to hear it, to stop bringing up the past. Tre starts crying, saying that Jac really hurt her and she doesn’t know if she can forgive her. Juicy tells her to get over it and end the “BS”. Tre tells us that Joe is a smart man, “He always tells me ‘you do good, good comes to you, you do bad, bad comes to you”. The episode ends and Tre and Juicy head upstairs for another bath. (Interesting this all airs the day before the two are charged with 39 counts of fraud.)

Next week: Melissa continues her oddyssey in sexploration by meeting some swingers while drinking with Rosie, Caroline and Al battle some demons, Tre and Jac face off, and the Giudices will be watching it all with ankle bracelets on.